Give me the excitement of the first encounter
in the farewell.
Give me the smile of the first day
when this is over.
Tell me about the lie of love forever,
and do not ever know me completely,
so that you will always want to meet me
Give me.......
Give me.......
Last edited by Sandra on Mon Oct 11, 2004 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Well, geez.......lol......Ms. Know-No and No-Write Poetry being asked a question on poetry 
.
Let me say this about that
~ encounter has 3 syllables, and meeting has 2. Which do you feel flows better with that in mind?
Excitement and encounter each have 3 syllables; meeting and farewell each have 2.
Excitement and encounter are more alliterative; meeting and farewell are not.
You use meeting in your first line; and a form of it [meet] in your last line.
Encounter would tend toward being a more casual event, even so light as passing on the street with a brief hello and electric smile, or brushing up against one another in a public setting. Encounter would tend toward being more 'scintillating.'
Meeting would tend toward being a more 'deliberate' event; a plan made ahead of time, an introduction by a third party; an introduction by one of yourselves ~ where the excitement would more likely have had more substance.
Which type of 'one-on-one' would you prefer to represent with your word choice?
OK ~ after taking all those things into account, if you haven't decided which you [the poet 
] would prefer with the atmosphere in your mind, ask me again 
.
Always willing to help ~
Love,
Lizzy
. Let me say this about that
~ encounter has 3 syllables, and meeting has 2. Which do you feel flows better with that in mind?Excitement and encounter each have 3 syllables; meeting and farewell each have 2.
Excitement and encounter are more alliterative; meeting and farewell are not.
You use meeting in your first line; and a form of it [meet] in your last line.
Encounter would tend toward being a more casual event, even so light as passing on the street with a brief hello and electric smile, or brushing up against one another in a public setting. Encounter would tend toward being more 'scintillating.'
Meeting would tend toward being a more 'deliberate' event; a plan made ahead of time, an introduction by a third party; an introduction by one of yourselves ~ where the excitement would more likely have had more substance.
Which type of 'one-on-one' would you prefer to represent with your word choice?
OK
~ after taking all those things into account, if you haven't decided which you [the poet ] would prefer with the atmosphere in your mind, ask me again .Always willing to help
~Love,
Lizzy
Sandra~
I think this is a stunning piece of work. The sentiments so endearing.
Maybe you could consider:
"in all our farewells" for line 2.
I'm not sure you intend for it to be singular as it is now. It works either way.
And because there is a message that is different from the rest of the poem (this is the couplet that i most admire with its turn towards less than idealistic hopes)...maybe lines 3 and 4 could work as the ending(?)
Believe me, if i didn't love this poem already, i wouldn't 'play' with it as i am. Thanks for sharing.
Great poem.
regards,
Laurie
I think this is a stunning piece of work. The sentiments so endearing.
Maybe you could consider:
"in all our farewells" for line 2.
I'm not sure you intend for it to be singular as it is now. It works either way.
And because there is a message that is different from the rest of the poem (this is the couplet that i most admire with its turn towards less than idealistic hopes)...maybe lines 3 and 4 could work as the ending(?)
Believe me, if i didn't love this poem already, i wouldn't 'play' with it as i am. Thanks for sharing.
Great poem.
regards,
Laurie