branch

jpx · Post by **jpx** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 1:37 am

bare treetop
in sunshine and in cold wind both
see it ready now for winter
see it waiting now for growth

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 5:07 am

That's a refreshing offering, jpx. I like it very much

. Whisks me right into nature

.

~ Lizzy

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:15 am

this is rather sweet although the use of "both" at the end of a line to achieve your rhyme is a little forced. it is not uncommon to read verses with use of archaic forms like "thee" just so a person can "achieve" a rhyme. it is better to persevere and find a more natural alternative. but the rhythm of the last two lines is good.

jpx · Post by **jpx** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:02 pm

it's not forced. i stand behind the words. it's not forced.

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:15 pm

It was not the expression of "both" but its unnatural placing at the end of the line which was too obviously "poetic" and too obviously a forced rhyme.

There is an unfortunate trend here of oversensitivity to comment and, sometimes even, a refusal to learn. My instinct is that you are unlikely to be as insecure as those posters.

Welcome to the forum.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:17 pm

You stand behind it, jpx. I stand beside you.

Makera · Post by **Makera** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:33 am

Nice to see you again, jpx!

How is lovely Marianne?

I like your poem too. Could be a verse for a song.
What C2 fails to grasp is that it is not "forced" if it is a natural part of speech and commonly used in everyday conversation. People often add 'both', even after stating 'and', for emphasis.

It would indeed be "forced" if it used something like 'the reason... is because'. And that horror IS actually used in conversation by supposedly educated people!

~ Makera

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 7:43 am

"in sunshine and in cold wind both" is not a construction used in everyday conversation at all. What the Queen of Importance, Makera, may have in mind is what her Mum used to say to her
"in sunshine you want some cold broth".

Makera · Post by **Makera** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:31 pm

"I'm sorry but who are you?"

~ Makera

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:00 pm

Hi Makera, I am someone who only wanted, originally, to offer help to George. I was susrprised by the insecurity and arrogance of his response.
I mentioned before that I have no issue with you, all the Dr Freuds, Avalon, Lizzy, Mikey-one or Martine. But you are all fun and a nice distraction. so, thanks!

I do, you may even have noticed this, have some problem with the use of clichees, uninspired dull writing and misleading WOW sites.

BTW I'm afraid no-one has picked me "correctly" yet, although I would be happy to be a lawyer or an Avon Lady.

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 11:37 pm

Piss off Critic2. I think that it is time you left.
No one wants to pick you for anything, you are a sick and sad bass drinker and banker.
Go play your wee games elsewhere.
Clear??
Goodbye......at least have the decency to adhere to your own thread.

Georges

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 9:58 am

Hi Georges, you deserve at least 6 awards for the excellence of your last psot. Well Done!

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 11:16 am

Critic2 you are like a spector in the curtains prompting to promote your own silly games and ridicule.
You are a sad figure, who is not person enough to own up to their mischief and hide behind an alibi.
You are like a limpet of insanity that never lets go.
You are a bore and ranting and raging Queen.
I see you posted a poem on the allpoetry page so you are a hypocrite , taking your games to another forum, which you denounced.
You are pathetic...crawl under another stone and expire.
Goodbye.

Georges

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 11:20 am

Good Morning George, nice to see you in such a sweet mood today! I think that writing out of control invective is a great exercise for you, and may even help you compose better verse. Well Done!

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 11:29 am

Go suck on some barbed wire!!!
Georges