The Rabbi and the Cat

[Animal Lover]

One day there was a deeply religious man who was hurrying his way to the Synagogue on a Friday, fearful he may not arrive before Sundown and the start of the Sabbath. As he hurried along the road he saw a black tabby who was looking distressed and hungry. It purred weakly as if to say "Rabbi, feed me, Rabbi help me". The Rabbi didn't have time to do both of these kind actions as the service could not start without the Leader. So the Rabbi bent down to the cat and when he was certain no-one was watching he kicked it hard into the bushes so it would stop bothering important people. The Moral of the story is "don't waste the time of an important man".

[Cate]

That’s not a nice story – mine was a nice story.

I will change it for you

The cat was actually a magical fish in disguise and cursed the rabbi to only speak in Commercial, which made him very popular with the ladies with his supper catch phrases such as ‘put a tiger in your tank’ and ‘m m good’ … okay so actually he wasn’t all that popular with the ladies but the cat thought it was funny, so it is a happy ending.


Happy Passover A.L. – I’m not sure if this short film would fit in Passover category but it is about being free. I watched it last night and loved it.
http://video.citytv.com/video/detail/65 ... of-slomon/#

[Animal Lover]

Cate, you clearly have never seen the Northern Lights or you wouldn't talk that way to me. A monk can be silent for 20 years but that doesn't mean his first utterance will be profound or even sensible. He might say "what the fuck ever happened to the breakfasts round here. They taste like crap and are not even worth the price of a free meal". Next time you see that Tabby bear that in mind before you hurry by on the other side like the Bad Samaritan or Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. Once a beautiful man but bloated and mumbling these days. His career is heading down the toilets and if you look down the bowl with one eye covered by a blindfold and the other attached to a periscope, well this is nothing like the Northern Lights at all. You should definitely get your money back.

[Violet]

Cate, you clearly have never seen the Northern Lights or you wouldn't talk that way to me. A monk can be silent for 20 years but that doesn't mean his first utterance will be profound or even sensible. He might say "what the fuck ever happened to the breakfasts round here. They taste like crap and are not even worth the price of a free meal". Next time you see that Tabby bear that in mind before you hurry by on the other side like the Bad Samaritan or Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. Once a beautiful man but bloated and mumbling these days. His career is heading down the toilets and if you look down the bowl with one eye covered by a blindfold and the other attached to a periscope, well this is nothing like the Northern Lights at all. You should definitely get your money back.

With Apocalypse Now Redux, Coppola re-shot the entire film after having Marlon lose a hundred pounds, I think it was. So, at least that's taken care of.

.. I can't see the film Cate linked to for some reason, so that takes care of that.

Rabbi's.. Where's a good Rabbi joke when you need one?.. How many Rabbi's does it take to screw?.. [2 obviously]

[do Jews believe in hell?] [by the way] [just wondering]

[Cate]

ohhh the link is to a Canadian station... I'll see if I can find a different link.

Cate, you clearly have never seen the Northern Lights or you wouldn't talk that way to me. A monk can be silent for 20 years but that doesn't mean his first utterance will be profound or even sensible. He might say "what the fuck ever happened to the breakfasts round here. They taste like crap and are not even worth the price of a free meal". Next time you see that Tabby bear that in mind before you hurry by on the other side like the Bad Samaritan or Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. Once a beautiful man but bloated and mumbling these days. His career is heading down the toilets and if you look down the bowl with one eye covered by a blindfold and the other attached to a periscope, well this is nothing like the Northern Lights at all. You should definitely get your money back.

Very good, very good.
I want to buy you a panda bear suit.
The northren lights have disappeared, when I was a little girl they were clearly visiable from a little hill beside my house and then they disappeared. I think Leonard Cohen swallowed them or perhaps Marlen Brando. Thank you for your vignette which gives deep insight into the life of street cats and explains why we should not waste the time of impotent men who feel cats belong in bushes … we really should be more accepting and supportive.

[Animal Lover]

Cate said "thank you for your vinaigrette". You are welcome. The recipe I use is a mixture of salad oil and vinegar. I normally flavour it with herbs, spices, and other ingredients. As you know, it is used most commonly as a salad dressing but also as a cold sauce or marinade. I expect you studied at school the typical Norwegian diet. Seafood is so healthy; we can’t eat enough of it.It is a well-known fact that salmon (laks in Norwegian) is a rich source for Omega 3 Fatty Acid, the healthy fat, which lowers our cholesterol. So if you are looking for a new country because you have been thrown out of yours then do consider Norway, where we love cats unlike the damn Rabbi.

[Cate]

Well we are having an election
and it’s possible the conservatives will win, so thank you; if I get tossed out of my country I shall head for Norway. My cholesterol is good due to the fact that I only eat dark chocolate and red wine (occasionally coco cappuccino’s).



hmmm – I looked up Laks and it’s apparently a group of people who live in Russia … I don’t want to seem culturally intolerant, but I don’t think it’s nice to refer to them as fish.

[Animal Lover]

Well we are having an election
and it’s possible the conservatives will win, so thank you; if I get tossed out of my country I shall head for Norway. My cholesterol is good due to the fact that I only eat dark chocolate and red wine (occasionally coco cappuccino’s).



hmmm – I looked up Laks and it’s apparently a group of people who live in Russia … I don’t want to seem culturally intolerant, but I don’t think it’s nice to refer to them as fish.

Cate, you will be very welcome here but don't bring the rest of the forum with you as they are, sad to tell, rather boring and can't spell as well as you.

[Cate]

Well I kind a have to bring them as they live in my computer and I have bring my computer.
I regret that people can not spell as creatively and as well as me. (I'm also concerned about the general disregard for proper grammar). I have tried facilitate some workshops on the subject but apparently forum members are not good directions either and could not seem to find the class.



(please note for any new readers - my tongue is firmly in cheek.)