great loyalty

This is for your own works!!!
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quaileyedsnowfish
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Dec 02, 2010 4:45 pm

great loyalty

Post by quaileyedsnowfish »

GREAT LOYALTY

The deception might be gruel
As kings behave madly
A crossed the days of furniture fevering
In the hearts of oceans blue
Why do you give away your answers
It sounded like an image inventing the nature
Like crap underneath the blossoming of trees
I saw you talk like moonshine
The destination is a graphite soul bouncing
The toll of my languish is my soul talking at the speed of light
For a voicemail of sounding image
I bereaved the mountaintops of souls
Listening to the change of waking up
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Violet
Posts: 3197
Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 11:07 pm
Location: New York

Re: great loyalty

Post by Violet »

quaileyedsnowfish wrote:GREAT LOYALTY

The deception might be gruel
As kings behave madly
A crossed the days of furniture fevering
In the hearts of oceans blue
Why do you give away your answers
It sounded like an image inventing the nature
Like crap underneath the blossoming of trees
I saw you talk like moonshine
The destination is a graphite soul bouncing
The toll of my languish is my soul talking at the speed of light
For a voicemail of sounding image
I bereaved the mountaintops of souls
Listening to the change of waking up
GREAT LOYALTY

The deception might be grueling
As kings behave madly
Across the days of furtive fevering
In the heart's ocean blue.
Why do you give away your answers?
It sounded like an image inventing the nature;
Like crap underneath the blossoming of trees.
I saw you talk like moonshine.
The destination is a graphite soul bouncing;
The toll of my anguish is my soul talking at the speed of light.
For a voicemail of sounding image
I bereaved the mountaintops of souls
Listening to the change of waking up.



I just fixed it a bit.. or at least, according to my liking.
"Why do you give away your answers?" is the most powerful line
I think. For me, it speaks to the artist's dilemma. She doesn't choose
this condition. If she longs to have her answers for herself,
she dies. If she gives away her answers,
she most often dies as well.
There's not much in the way of solace here,
there's just the work, to which she remains loyal,
and then to die, which might be to remain
invisible. Though perhaps she wants her soul
to be known, finally.. but is
afraid. That she would die not even
knowing it was her fear that determined
her anonymity.. seems likely. Seems the way
so many of us might die.. never having altered the
course of stars.

.. and yet.. if I speak my fears.. do I mean to
change course?

Violet
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