vips of heaven

[quaileyedsnowfish]

How I found the way back
along the quay
the bridge
sympathy for people that do not exist
it is true or false
The puzzles are bleak
but I worship the god of nature

and the murmur of the sea
as pure and embrace
I take you
as the stars fall
it's like I sit in a crowded train
robbery with a conscience
and pain it seeks to know
as a gilded cage
of exaltation
the latest will take you
by the flow of knowledge
powered by
silvermouthwhiterose

[Violet]

How I found the way back
along the quay
the bridge
sympathy for people that do not exist
it is true or false
The puzzles are bleak
but I worship the god of nature

and the murmur of the sea
as pure and embrace
I take you
as the stars fall
it's like I sit in a crowded train
robbery with a conscience
and pain it seeks to know
as a gilded cage
of exaltation
the latest will take you
by the flow of knowledge
powered by
silvermouthwhiterose

.. you know, it's almost as if, were you to actually pay attention to what you are writing as you are writing it, there might even be a poem here for us to read. But no.. such privilege is reserved for the "v.i.p.'s of heaven," I guess it is. [notice how I worked your title into my critique: that's an additional bottle of bourbon with the usual three gold coins] [actually bourbon, I find, is a great spit-polish for my old leather boots]

.. "sympathy for people that do not exist".. seems promising enough. [you know, some might just take an aspirin, instead of writing a poem such as this one, in which case we might avoid this whole thing entirely].. okay.. to have sympathy for a person that does not exist suggests you're short on people for whom you have any sympathy, I suppose.. and.. well.. given your particular trade especially, I can see you losing patience with humanity in general. [god, I nearly fell asleep before I finished that sentence]

"but I worship the god of nature".. came as a nice surprise, but only because just reading this poem has one doubting there being a reason for anything.

.. okay, just because you are one of our most prolific poem posters-- I mean "pome" posters, and I am resident pome decipherer, I shall see if I can improve upon the second stanza of your entirely unnecessary poem:

and like the murmur of the sea
(with such pure an embrace)
I take you,
as if stars fall;
as if I sit in a crowded train
this robbery with a conscience
its pain that seeks to know
such gilded cage of
exaltation
(perchance the latest will take
you.. like that flow
along
the quay)

[quaileyedsnowfish]

how dark the night is also
I always bring happiness in your words
glass of the morning
red wine with defiant light
the quantity is secondary
the butterfly in my stomach roam
conscious of myself

a smell of a pine forest, digging to the moon
the origin of my songs
pointed me off in an inexplicable notion
the web of the first kiss
redeemed by the dew

you have the look of a lost desire
The mourning for a short secret
of the future in the niche of the
eastern past
cocky is the rod
roots of weeping cold as in the sand
the secrets and breed on an old

desired betrayal
I see myself laughing
as a mystery in the hope
your shotness
in your thoughts on hot coals
Recognising the dragon
which cool the
prisoners taken
and even the giant word of trouble
In every wish unfair
sent to your
roar in a pliable
dismay

[Violet]

how dark the night is also
I always bring happiness in your words
glass of the morning
red wine with defiant light
the quantity is secondary
the butterfly in my stomach roam
conscious of myself

a smell of a pine forest, digging to the moon
the origin of my songs
pointed me off in an inexplicable notion
the web of the first kiss
redeemed by the dew

you have the look of a lost desire
The mourning for a short secret
of the future in the niche of the
eastern past
cocky is the rod
roots of weeping cold as in the sand
the secrets and breed on an old

desired betrayal
I see myself laughing
as a mystery in the hope
your shotness
in your thoughts on hot coals
Recognising the dragon
which cool the
prisoners taken
and even the giant word of trouble
In every wish unfair
sent to your
roar in a pliable
dismay

.. it seems you're in your more sullen mood..

I'd just been writing about shyness on another thread.. though, what is "shotness"??

[maybe it's the opposite]

.. you know, sometimes I feel as though you like hiding your brilliance almost. I mean, there's this near brilliant poem lurking in there, but that you might be discovered to "care" almost..

.. (hmm.. you're an interesting case, fish).

.. anyway.. I like a lot of the imagery and word combinations in this..

.. I shall muse on this a bit more later, sullen fish.

v.

[Violet]

how light the feather is
not a curl in the World
floating like a balls and chain
ignorant of misery
unknowing of sadnees
high as a bite
floating across the concrete
pictured with no applez
firm to the douche
unyeelding
firm of company
who is to say?

.. snowbum is good.. I'm surprised it took this long to come up with that one. No pic this time.. hmm.. just lazy, I guess. Lazeez.

.. I need to run, snowbum, but.. I noticed that when I try to use the expression "who's to say," now.. as I do think I use that from time to time.. I find myself questioning it. You know, good, decent expressions can be obliterated by association. Just obliterated. I guess what I'm suggesting is that, by the time you're done with this litcrit chick, you will have destroyed every word, every turn of phrase I've ever -- or should I say, never -- even thought of. [or at least not in that way]

I hope that gives you some pause, fish. Or paws, maybe. Or, more likely, claws, I guess it is. (You haven't referred to claws lately, fish. What's the matter, the cat's got your shellfish?)

ciao, fish.

[Karren B]

Don't know about you violet, but i'm just waiting for quaileyesnowballs to turn up!!!!!!

But in the mean time i found just the avatar for quaileyedsnowbum


kwills

xx

[Violet]

.. I'm sure "snowballs" would have come up soon enough, now that you mention it.

.. (I do think, though, that skiing on one's, well, bum, would probably be a bit on the chilly side).. (just thought I'd mention).

Okay, fish, just some brief pointers since I'm tuckered, and I can't be spending too much time buzzed in front of the computer tonight..

how light the feather is I like this, even as it's self evident, or maybe because of that (who can say?)
not a curl in the World when you change 'care' to 'curl'.. should we give a shit? [three pages, single-spaced this time] [I'm feeling tyrannical]
floating like a balls and chain here are your championed opposites, only you had to sexualize it with the addition of an 's' (appropriately enough). Thanks to that little 's,' I can't reasonably fathom your "opposites" obsession and give that further meaning. I have to suppose you are adverse to any rote deciphering, and for that you get a bronze star. However the line is still crap.
ignorant of misery no comment, other than it's a state we might all envy.
unknowing of sadnees sad knees, though you have it spelled incorrectly [yes, I know you like fucking with my head], but sad knees conjures the school girl who has tripped in the school yard and has skinned her knees just above where her knee socks end. Bandaids now have lovely little pictures on them, with flowers and things, and so we can add that to the imagery. [I'm obviously getting way soft here, fish]
high as a bite when you changed kite to bite, did you at least brush your teeth first? [if you don't have to make sense, then I don't have to]
floating across the concrete this suggests knowledge of the higher sciences, which I somehow suspect you lack. [lucky break, in other words]
pictured with no applez applez is now a condition from which I can no longer escape. I have awakened in the middle of the night screaming: Applez! Applez!.. My therapist thought: you must mean "applause".. and I assured her that no, I meant "applez." [you will be billed for the additional time I'm needing to spend on this therapeutically]
firm to the douche here the host fish persona cannot help but come to mind, given her obsession with douching (for obvious reasons). "firm" of course is self explanatory, as is its relation to "touch" [implied by "douche"]. This is known as "Cock" rhyming slang.
[sound effect: cock a doodle doo] [said rather dryly, I think] [just to fuck with fish's head]
unyeelding this misspelling is meant to incite, and so I immediately sheeeld myself. [that's all I got]
firm of company Again, uh, Agane, the host persona rears her pretty black-bra'd self, and can you blame her for this manner of firmness being a recurring theme? Now, maybe if her papa had been a bit firmer .. anyway, maybe then her firmer prospects wouldn't involve std's.
who is to say? this, given our history now with this query, is meant to incite, and I can only say what needed to be said a long long time ago, only I don't remember now what it is. [see, fish? two can play the "incite" game]

.. okay, fishie.. night night.

v.