painters of a dream

[quaileyedsnowfish]

i lived in silence
destenation came to me for fee
as a box of a thunder
in a river of smiles
love for a reazen has my name
in a magic ball of a tribute to the sunlight
of renounced heavenly creatures

the truth is a blend in cercomstance
of a queen of drifters on every page
of dread and accused fire

like a stone of regret
i'm a bleu stormweaver
of trust not jelousy

i came to see the windmill
of words that extract
celebrational melting conversations
into a frame of delight
where my picture is the dawn
of a forgotten
freedom that claimed
a nothingness betrailed
on rails of fickle voice
dripped into every calling singelure
desperations

i have faith
like a broken heart
like perfume on my collar
and danced into spring
you see the waylay
of a word saying the treats
of dangerous invocation
of soul singing
and mind raging

i found the key
to make me slave
my own poem

[Violet]

i lived in silence
destenation came to me for fee
as a box of a thunder
in a river of smiles
love for a reazen has my name
in a magic ball of a tribute to the sunlight
of renounced heavenly creatures

the truth is a blend in cercomstance
of a queen of drifters on every page
of dread and accused fire

like a stone of regret
i'm a bleu stormweaver
of trust not jelousy

i came to see the windmill
of words that extract
celebrational melting conversations
into a frame of delight
where my picture is the dawn
of a forgotten
freedom that claimed
a nothingness betrailed
on rails of fickle voice
dripped into every calling singelure
desperations

i have faith
like a broken heart
like perfume on my collar
and danced into spring
you see the waylay
of a word saying the treats
of dangerous invocation
of soul singing
and mind raging

i found the key
to make me slave
my own poem

.. I'm pretty sure this is the poem I'd like to take on next, if I can.. I'm mulling it over, at any rate..

I am particularly impressed with the last stanza, and feel it is my task as "critic," if you will, to find such key as well. It's something of a daunting task, no doubt, as again, it's to delve into matters that most of us take for granted as verboten.. but a true critic can't afford to let her better judgment reign -- that much I do know.

.. okay.. so.. 'til later, q.e.s.f.,

v.

[Ren1]

IM LUCKY GOT THERE BEFORE YU CRITICS. ME MAKE SPELLING TYPOS

i lived in silence THIS SHOULD BE "I LIVED IN SIENNA"
destenation came to me for fee
as a box of a thunder
in a river of smiles THIS SHOULD BE "A RIVER 3 MILES"
love for a reazen has my name
in a magic ball of a tribute to the sunlight THIS SHOULD BE "WITH MAGIC BALLS, A TRIBUTE TO GENETIC ENGINEERING"
of renounced heavenly creatures

the truth is a blend in cercomstance THIS SHOULD BE "NESCAFE A BLEND OF PURE COFFEE"
of a queen of drifters on every page
of dread and accused fire

like a stone of regret THIS SHOULD BE "LIKE A STONE OF WEIGHT I NEED TO LOSE"
i'm a bleu stormweaver
of trust not jelousy

i came to see the windmill
of words that extract
celebrational melting conversations
into a frame of delight
where my picture is the dawn
of a forgotten
freedom that claimed
a nothingness betrailed
on rails of fickle voice
dripped into every calling singelure
desperations

THE VERSE ABOVE IS PERFECT AND SHOWS ME AT MY BESTEST

i have faith
like a broken heart THIS SHOULD BE "I HAVE A FACE LIKE A BROKEN TART"
like perfume on my collar
and danced into spring
you see the waylay
of a word saying the treats
of dangerous invocation
of soul singing
and mind raging


i found the key
to make me slave
my own poem THIS SHOULD BE "I FOUND THE MONKEY, AT A RAVE, WITH MY OWN PONY"


I SORREE I MAKE MISTAKERS IN THIS POET

[Violet]

IM LUCKY GOT THERE BEFORE YU CRITICS. ME MAKE SPELLING TYPOS

i lived in silence THIS SHOULD BE "I LIVED IN SIENNA"
destenation came to me for fee
as a box of a thunder
in a river of smiles THIS SHOULD BE "A RIVER 3 MILES"
love for a reazen has my name
in a magic ball of a tribute to the sunlight THIS SHOULD BE "WITH MAGIC BALLS, A TRIBUTE TO GENETIC ENGINEERING"
of renounced heavenly creatures

the truth is a blend in cercomstance THIS SHOULD BE "NESCAFE A BLEND OF PURE COFFEE"
of a queen of drifters on every page
of dread and accused fire

like a stone of regret THIS SHOULD BE "LIKE A STONE OF WEIGHT I NEED TO LOSE"
i'm a bleu stormweaver
of trust not jelousy

i came to see the windmill
of words that extract
celebrational melting conversations
into a frame of delight
where my picture is the dawn
of a forgotten
freedom that claimed
a nothingness betrailed
on rails of fickle voice
dripped into every calling singelure
desperations

THE VERSE ABOVE IS PERFECT AND SHOWS ME AT MY BESTEST

i have faith
like a broken heart THIS SHOULD BE "I HAVE A FACE LIKE A BROKEN TART"
like perfume on my collar
and danced into spring
you see the waylay
of a word saying the treats
of dangerous invocation
of soul singing
and mind raging


i found the key
to make me slave
my own poem THIS SHOULD BE "I FOUND THE MONKEY, AT A RAVE, WITH MY OWN PONY"


I SORREE I MAKE MISTAKERS IN THIS POET

.. okay.. I will have to take these changes under consideration.. However, I am left to ponder some deeper matters. Now, Ren1, I'm not sure you realize the depth of the dual-personality issue here. When you post poems as quailieeyedblowfish, you do have a more romantic bent, I would say. Now, while "silence" and "sienna" might be comparable in this respect, your genetically engineered prowess could hardly be compared with a love of "reazen" that has its roots in a box full of thu-- oh, actually, you're similar on this count too (and this might explain the more zealous spelling).

.. hmm.. maybe I'm wrong about this..

Oh, actually, "a stone of weight I need to lose" surely misses the poetic moodiness of fish's "stone of regret" (although it would make a nice footnote, I'm thinking).. anyway, the point is that here I can keep firm in my original argument. Now, your last change: "I found the monkey, at a rave, with my own pony".. might well be the hip street-talk of a beatnik (if they had ponies back then), and this also conflicts with doeeyedglowfish's more staid and romantic flow, if you will.

.. okay.. well.. with this disparity in mind, I will mull a bit more.. I mean, to lose "a river of smiles" in exchange for a three-mile long-- oh. (never mind)

.. okay, so.. Ren1.. I will see what I can do with all of this.. (I'm wondering if fisheye ever speaks, by the way.. just curious)..

.. 'til later,
v.

[Ren1]

(I'm wondering if fisheye ever speaks, by the way.. just curious)..

.. 'til later,
v. [/size]

no idea if fisheye speaks. he is Geoffrey and I am not. we are not related. why ask me if Fish speaks. you are dancing on the bed of a pint.

[Violet]

.. okay, Ren1.. I am trying to get out of this godforsaken (country) place before this blasted storm hits, so I cannot address this as comprehensively as I would like. However, it seems to me that on another thread, YOU (where are your caps, by the way?) were taking credit for fish's pometry.. as I recall, at least.. so.. I again have to state: it is YOU who are tip-toeing on a pint-sized barrel of ice (if you were the size of a measly ant, that is).. and so it is YOU who had best WATCH IT!!!

.. I will attend to this more thoroughly later. Obviously, Santa made good on his promise, and so I do feel for you a bit.. (I also made his "bad" list this year.. so.. I do sort of understand)..

v.

[Violet]

.. wait a minute.. (just made it home, by the way.. the snow is piling up out there).. now, wait just a cottin' pickin' minute, Ren1: right here on this very thread you were making changes to YOUR fisheyed pome (or so you claimed)!!!.. so.. what gives?????

[Ren1]

.. wait a minute.. (just made it home, by the way.. the snow is piling up out there).. now, wait just a cottin' pickin' minute, Ren1: right here on this very thread you were making changes to YOUR fisheyed pome (or so you claimed)!!!.. so.. what gives?????

I AM QUALIEYEDSNOWFISH HE IS MY ROMANTIC MOOD, HE IS MY BROTHER, HE IS MY TWIN, HE IS THE BASKET, I PUT ALL MY FLOWERS IN.

[Violet]

.. wait a minute.. (just made it home, by the way.. the snow is piling up out there).. now, wait just a cottin' pickin' minute, Ren1: right here on this very thread you were making changes to YOUR fisheyed pome (or so you claimed)!!!.. so.. what gives?????

I AM QUALIEYEDSNOWFISH HE IS MY ROMANTIC MOOD, HE IS MY BROTHER, HE IS MY TWIN, HE IS THE BASKET, I PUT ALL MY FLOWERS IN.

.. that's actually quite lovely, snowfish.. it's what I'd suspected, but it's nice to see you agreeing with me (for a change).. hmm.. I think I'll muse on this as I look out at all the pretty snowflakes..