reversing the inchworm

[Ren1]

in a partial uniquesness
and a snowstorm of yellow ecstasy
there lies the kitten
like a shotgun of mercy
taking her river-downwards
the treacle treachery
the King will fall


"it's teatime", says Mary
as she wipes the featureless face for fingerprints
like a part-time claw-hammer
realising now if she had only known this
in the future when she won't be there
what a time-saver
in the Polo Sunset
of our youth

[Cate]

I like this Christmas poem and it’s poignant commentary on the Plasticineiness of religion in our society and how the commercialism of sex and love is destroying the very fabric of humanity …

Actually I have no clue –but I did like this part

"it's teatime", says Mary
as she wipes the featureless face for fingerprints
like a part-time claw-hammer

as it formed an interesting image in my head.

[Ren1]

I like this Christmas poem and it’s poignant commentary on the Plasticineiness of religion in our society and how the commercialism of sex and love is destroying the very fabric of humanity …

Actually I have no clue –but I did like this part

"it's teatime", says Mary
as she wipes the featureless face for fingerprints
like a part-time claw-hammer

as it formed an interesting image in my head.

OK BUT ALWAYS AVOID A CLAW-HAMMER TO YOUR HEAD. TRUST ME ABOUT THIS.

[Cate]

okay, that's good advice,

different image in my head now - originally I was imagining a porcelain doll.

[Violet]

in a partial uniquesness
and a snowstorm of yellow ecstasy
there lies the kitten
like a shotgun of mercy
taking her river-downwards
the treacle treachery
the King will fall


"it's teatime", says Mary
as she wipes the featureless face for fingerprints
like a part-time claw-hammer
realising now if she had only known this
in the future when she won't be there
what a time-saver
in the Polo Sunset
of our youth

.. actually, although I didn't highlight it, "partial uniquesness" is of course interesting in its self-referentiality.. (I mean, given its somewhat unique spelling)..

.. the "treacle treachery" is almost a sound-twister, and it's something I think we've all experienced, although I'm vague at the moment as to a good example of this in my own experience.. (grade school comes to mind).. however, more generally speaking, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be banned now as a means of torture.

.. "realising now if she had only known this in the future when she won't be there".. now this has that mind-bender sense to it that can actually cause a head-ache. Well achieved, Ren1.

.. along with Cate, I too like:

"it's teatime," says Mary
as she wipes the featureless face for fingerprints
like a part-time claw-hammer

.. I especially like Mary saying "it's teatime" and in quotes.. I am a great lover of tea, and most especially the idea of tea time, and even more so when it's in quotes, and so it's not too hard to win me on this one.

.. "wipes the featureless face for fingerprints".. is actually quite engaging.. now.. "like a part-time claw-hammer".. does make one wonder a bit where you are going with this -- firstly, since I'm not too sure a claw-hammer has any choice but to be a claw-hammer on a full time basis -- oh, unless, when in the throes of some other form of "use" it becomes something else.. (actually, I'm not going to go further with that, as I've already violated my own ethics at times in and around these parts, and it's time I put a stop to it). Anyway, "getting hammered" and "being hammered" are two entirely different things, although quite often they go together.. but throwing the word "claw" in there is something of a show stopper, if you see my point. [oh: I just noticed your comment on this a few posts back, and so I see you do]

.. oh yeah, I forgot "snowstorm of yellow ecstasy," which makes me think of those poor souls who for some strange reason (no doubt having to do with the mother having read Freud while pregnant), now conflate cigars with urination. Oh, and this usually only happens during snowstorms.

.. okay, well.. I just thought I'd drop by here tonight, and I randomly selected this poem for perusal. I know you and your alter have been burning that midnight oil, toiling away at these, and I do hope to comment on some of the others soon.

Keep up the good work, Renfish.

.. [later note]..

.. okay.. I'm taking one more stab at this, and then I'm done for the evening. Now there's a juxtaposition, Renfish, of rather soft-seeming imagery.. like kittens.. even ecstasy.. as well as Mary.. (tea time).. etc.. these astride images of extreme violence, and even despair: wiping a featureless face for fingerprints; the claw-hammer; treachery; a fallen King; shotgun of mercy (combining the two).

.. now.. I do believe, as you approached the end of your poem, there was that in your psyche that was striving to bring together these two disparate aspects.. or maybe it's just a striving to try and salvage something from the wreckage, as it were..

realising now if she had only known this
in the future when she won't be there
what a time-saver
in the Polo Sunset
of our youth

.. and although.. (and yes, I'm afraid I'm taking the liberty of assuming that your mother was reading Freud while pregnant with you.. that's become more and more obvious the more I've delved into this poem, I'm afraid).. now why did I-- oh.. (never mind).. yes.. so.. although there is regret here of the "if only" variety.. the Polo Sunset of your youth suggests.. hmm.. you know, I'm actually put in mind of a Ralph Lauren ad with that.. the two of you in your yellow-striped Polo shirts.. clinging to dreams that should have been damned before their ever having gotten any traction. But you know, Ren1, while that would have been a "time-saver," as you say, you've got to realize that.. well, that.. no, actually it would have been a time-saver, you were right.

.. gad, I actually wanted to end on a more positive note than that.. gee.. okay.. so.. maybe focus on the softer imagery of your poem a while, and something a bit more redeeming will come to you.. I mean, kittens don't necessarily have to drown.. and even if your mother was reading Freud while pregnant with you, there's still the chance that she glossed over the more unsavory bits.. (that's a lot of glossing over, by the way).. and so, maybe you're just obsessed with the color yellow because one of Freud's case studies wore a yellow dress or something. Yes, she suffered from hysteria, and couldn't move her leg because her uncle pee'd on i-- GAD that man is sick.

.. okay.. so.. I'm tired now.. need to call it a night. As for redemption, I’d stick with the kitten imagery, snowflakes, and certain flowers. And don’t forget, there are those of us here you can look to for help with your creative process if things get a bit too rough out there.. on that ponderous ocean of poetic despair..

okay, night, Ren1,

v.

[Violet]

.. a special Merry Christmas to Ren1..
v. x