she shall wane

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quaileyedsnowfish
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she shall wane

Post by quaileyedsnowfish »

in the volcano
of married drifters
in the shadow of a waterfall
sleep like a downpour of yesterday's
in dancing clouds
from the weather of change

that's what makes me kiss the lure of forgivingness
like the fall of the desserts butterfly
in a spring with strings of drunken confessions
so i wonder like a river of moonbeams
in a dove's ballade about witness of fools
that pray's like a midnight ticket to the
shase of sadness

when will we know
the wearabouts of heaven
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Violet
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Violet »


.. this is a pretty poem, and I will consider it more, and maybe comment a bit later, quailfish..

Violet
Ren1
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Ren1 »

quaileyedsnowfish wrote: when will we know
the wearabouts of heaven
probably at 7.35 on Wednesday February 23rd 2011
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Violet
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Violet »


.. no Ren1.. I think it's 7.36.. I'll have to check again, but.. pretty sure..

Violet
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Violet
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Violet »


.. I've been going through my "crits" of Ren1 & quailfish's poems, and am finding I don't hit my stride til further on (in later threads, I mean).. I hesitate removing this post, as it is discussed (sort of) in the following posts.. but really, Ren1 is just being his old ornery self.. so.. don't know if it really matters that I remove this..

v.
Last edited by Violet on Wed Dec 29, 2010 7:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Violet
Ren1
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Ren1 »

omg you fell for this! I don't know what is more embarrassing a computer-generated type of random images, or that someone took it seriously. all the signs are there, ffs. actually the poem is not embarrassing it is pretty damn good trolling if it suckered even a single naiive adult.
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Violet
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Violet »


.. well, I've dealt with this ouburstishness of yours, Ren1, on fisheye's "earthling silence" thread.. but I'll give it another try.. Now, I think it's time you step back a bit and reflect not just on what constitutes true poetic effort, but also its cogent evaluation. It is only then that you'll find a purpose back here in this section of the Forum, where fairly serious writers nestle. (Note: my use of the word "nestle," as opposed to just.. oh, I don't know, "reside," maybe.. which feels a bit more dull).

.. okay, so.. I'm pretty sure I've stated my case. Oh, and I'd say it's time for you to snap to and finally take some risks here. Far too easy to just sit back and criticize.

.. (gosh, I feel refreshed now)..
Violet
Ren1
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Ren1 »

i JUST COULDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN "PRAY'S" AND "SHASE". THEY ARE EXHILARATING WORDS AND HAVE ALMOST CERTAINLY CHANGED MY LIFE FOR EVER. AND IF NOT MY LIFE THEN THE LIFE OF THE GRUMPY OLD MAN WITH AN EYE-PATCH WHO LIVES IN THE NEXT STREET. AND IF HIS NOT LIFE THEN CERTAINLY HIS WIFE WHO IS FAMOUS FOR COLLECTING INEDIBLE WORDS. AND IF NOT HER LIFE THEN PERHAPS IT HAS CHANGED HER TROUSERS. IF NOT FOR EVER, AT LEAST 2 HOURS.
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Violet
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Violet »

Okay, you're in big trouble, but unfortunately I'm on my blackberry right now since I have yet another computer glitch, only this one's upstate, and so now I may have to wait til tomorrow to get to the techy place blah blah blah.. However, I can see you are shaking in your loafers.. so.. don't think I'm unaware of these things.. you are obviously scared *hitless!!!!!!!

.. To be continued..
Violet
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Violet
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Re: she shall wane

Post by Violet »

Ren1 wrote:i JUST COULDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN "PRAY'S" AND "SHASE". THEY ARE EXHILARATING WORDS AND HAVE ALMOST CERTAINLY CHANGED MY LIFE FOR EVER. AND IF NOT MY LIFE THEN THE LIFE OF THE GRUMPY OLD MAN WITH AN EYE-PATCH WHO LIVES IN THE NEXT STREET. AND IF HIS NOT LIFE THEN CERTAINLY HIS WIFE WHO IS FAMOUS FOR COLLECTING INEDIBLE WORDS. AND IF NOT HER LIFE THEN PERHAPS IT HAS CHANGED HER TROUSERS. IF NOT FOR EVER, AT LEAST 2 HOURS.
.. okay.. from what you're saying here, Ren1, you are also quailfish, is that correct?.. (gee, I'm so very surprised).. However, it seems that as quailfish you're this rather romantic poet figure, who at moments seems to have captured my imagination, if not my heart almost, through his words.. whereas, as Ren1, you're rather, well, ornery, I suggest. Oh, and you write in "caps".. (a sexy proofreading term I picked up when freelancing at evil corporate law firms).. Anyway, the point is, by THAT do you mean to intimidate?.. (fat chance).

Now, I'm thinking that-- actually, take a gander at this.. see if it applies..

.. oh, well.. I couldn't find it on youtube, but it's the scene from the movie Sybil (featuring Sally Field) where she's on a picnic with her therapist (played by Joanne Woodward).. it's the scene where the therapist introduces Sybil (the host personality, if you will) to all the other personalities housed inside of her.. and the filmmaker represents all of these personalities with various children -- both young, and older -- of both sexes.. and they each come out from behind trees 'n such, one "personality" at a time.

.. so.. I just thought that maybe, if you were to start integrating your personalities.. well.. actually, I have no idea what would happen if you did that.. obviously you have some reason for "splitting" the way you do to begin with, so maybe you'd explode or something.. I honestly can't say.. but with some therapy.. well.. this is what can happen.. (oh, and this scene makes me cry.. I may not have multiple personalities [at least I don't think I do], but somehow I do understand Sally Field here)..

.. actually, this sequence starts with the therapist doing some sleuthing at Sybil's now abandoned childhood home.. now, the entire sequence is a bit lengthy, just to prepare you..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp20nPqqfio
FULL SCREEN..

.. so you see, Ren1.. we all need love. It's as simple as that.

.. I guess I'll take a gander at your poem, now.. oh, and I've noticed that your fish persona is truly a prolific poet, as two more poems have arrived already.. (I may need to re-think my vocation if I think I'm going to try to keep up with these from a "critique" perspective)..

Alright, Season's Best, Ren1,
v i o l e t

Violet
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