my secret life, a few cents of humanity and a cigar

[mysecretlife]

i just thought i'd tell you since i don't know any of you and there aren't too many people to chat to at the moment:

I just saw the 'my secret life' cohen video and it reminded me of a ukranian/canadian girl i know. When we met online some years ago we connected, it wasn't no 'teenage head-over-heels love', it was deep, deeply intellectual/spiritual, we never met in person. We understood so much about one another: subtle expressions, personal spiritual moments the other, dreams, our pasts, it wasn't your horoscope material, the advice we gave one another was life changing and beneficial. I understood why she liked certain moments in songs, why she liked certain types of moments walking down the park as opposed to others, we were in each others private moments in each others pasts and futures as if it were all one, like an eternal connection. I got into her head and she into mine, we never met, there were obstacles in the way that would prevent us getting married back then, and i was a coward for not trying harder to overcome those obstacles, absolutely disgusting. So we stopped contacting each other for four years, it would be too painful to do so, but in the back of our minds we knew we were for each other, actually that didn't matter just like it doesn't matter if your parents died, in that sense that they live on in you, you resemble them, so we resembled one another: as brother and sister, as parent and child, as a couple beyond love.

And now, just this month, almost four years later, as those obstacles were just about to be removed, she emailed me out the blue to say she got married around last week. I wish i could tell someone how that felt, but no one would understand. And since the last four years i had been living a secret life, and only when looking at some of the songs she liked by Leonard cohen on youtube did i find the 'secret life' video, and when only God was listening to my complaint and pains, i found Uncle Leonard, he got my back. We shared a cigar, a relationship formed in those 5 minutes of listening to that song where i could tell him something about what happened to me, his eyes understood, i told him how much of a coward i was, he understood. How i should find comfort in a man beloved to my beloved who i have lost, and in doing so gain something back of what left me. LC understood my secret life, just enough to pat me on the back...thank God

And now i register on this forum to merely share this with strangers, imagining that it would give me some comfort, it doesn't really, but i hope none of you miss those opportunities, be aware at every moment such that you don't let cowardice cloud you - miss not the opportunities, life is short, we will meet Him (God) soon enough, but let not his exquisite love in the form of that once in a lifetime person, let not that gift pass you by.

...a fellow human,
salam, shalom, namaste, .....

[hydriot]

Welcome to the forum!

You may draw comfort from the certain knowledge that virtually all Cohenites have tales of high emotion, different of course but not unlike yours. You are amongst friends here. If I were asked the one common feature of all Cohenites I would answer 'passion'. From your post it is clear you are well-qualified to join our ranks!

Other songs that may match your present mood are 'Ain't No Cure for Love' and 'The Guests'. Leonard brings extraordinary comfort to the broken hearted and the disappointed, which is why we all love him. I hope you continue to draw comfort from his very many works in the coming weeks ... and from us.

"Welcome! Welcome! Let all my guests come in!"

(And do read my signature below. Be grateful that you were wounded!)

[John Etherington]

Hi mysecretlife,

That's a very moving story...thanks for sharing. But however you may feel, the crucial thing is that you never met. Clearly you experienced something very significant in your online relationship but if you had actually met, it may not have been the same. The chemistry may not have been there. Perhaps you should still try to meet this lady, if you get the chance, to separate the fantasy from the reality. Whatever the outcome, you have clearly learned something from this encounter, which should stand you in good stead for next time around, and another opportunity WILL come your way, if not immediately.

All good things, John E

[lorcamaria]

Hi Folks!

Having just listened to My Secret Life again it got me thinking (as Leonard does ) and oh my, doesn't he make us feel safe when we listen to him.

Its safe to face up to our 'sins' and pains and religious beliefs whatever they are.
Doesnt he just make us feel self love, and love for Brother Man.

"Thank you so much Friends, thank you so much for your warm hospitality this evening - we are so grateful to play for you....
Thank you so much friends, we are so privelaged to be able to gather in moments like this when so much of the world is plunged in chaos and darkness........."

How often can he make us feel all things are new and unique to us.

What a Poet!