Negro Skin

peter danielsen · Post by **peter danielsen** » Tue May 25, 2004 1:18 pm

You had high hopes, you had it all
you knew the golden autumnleaves
you tried to wear an honest suit
and took into your home the thieves

You suffered from a wild disease
it wasnt worry, wasnt grief
but like a longing sommer cold
you caught the bug of disbelief

You knew that pills could stand you up
and then her body made you smile
but even scent turns into dirt
and pleases you but for a while

And now you sing and now you dance
your friend supports your every move
and you accept his word of love
but do not really need the proof

And nothing is the way it seems
you're not the one you claim to be
you want the good and hoist the axe
your will was never really free

You see them standing dressed in white
the true one just beside the fake
you realize the piled up wood
was never put there by mistake

And you yourself will strike the match
and you yourself will burn
The steam is out of your control
you will not see the turn

You boom into the sorrows pit
the engine howling: Negro skin!
they wash down every lousy hope
till lack of love is not your sin

You bungle with your tiny rose
you crush the petals one by one
you raise the stem one final time
and kneel before the setting sun.

Makera · Post by **Makera** » Tue May 25, 2004 6:55 pm

Excellent, Peter!

Very 'Cohenesque'; with evocative imagery. (Last Year's Man; Who By Fire)

Some minor errata:
3rd stanza, last line: 'd' on 'pleased'
4th stanza: 's' on 'supports'; 'e' on 'every'
6th stanza: 'piled'

~ Makera

peter danielsen · Post by **peter danielsen** » Tue May 25, 2004 9:19 pm

hi makky glad you liked the text, and thanks for the correction. One of them Im although not sure of : it does say please in the present

Makera · Post by **Makera** » Wed May 26, 2004 11:29 am

Hi Peter ~

It's because the line begins in the singular, "it only please you for a while", to be correct grammatically would have to be, 'it only pleases you...', or, 'it only pleased you...'.
If you want "please" to remain, you could change it to 'they only please you...'. See?

~ Makera

peter danielsen · Post by **peter danielsen** » Thu May 27, 2004 5:08 pm

Hi makky

How about :"and pleases you but for a while?"

If only gramma loved me

Peter

Makera · Post by **Makera** » Fri May 28, 2004 10:35 am

Yes, Peter...that is perfectly correct also, "and pleases you but for a while".

You do far better than many whose native language is English.

~ Makera