I can't help but laugh

[Teratogen]

I can’t help but laugh

I can’t help but laugh
Every time I hear a child cry.

In a sudden wave of fear
The heart gives up to hatred
And devotion appalls the senses
That time and time again are
Betrayed when children are
Deprived of the instruments of joy
They so require:

A pack of gum, a candy bar,
A plastic doll, a rubber ball,
An ice cream cone, a box of crayons,
A pad of stickers, a magazine,
A juice box, a big plush pillow
In the shape of their favorite
Cartoon character.

“I’m sorry,” the parents say,
“Not today. Maybe some other day.”
Or, “I don’t have the money
Right now. It is too expensive.”
Whatever excuse is made
Is of no matter to them.
The denial of their enthusiastic
Requests all sound the same.

I can’t help but laugh
And think how silly it is
Of them to cry
So outrageously
Over something
So inconsequential;

I just think to myself
That I hope they’re not surprised
When they get older
And discover that
The pretty girl just wants to be friends and
The cute boy just wants to get laid and
The all-night study session still only got you a B and
The car was stolen and
The neighbor ran over your dog and
The job position has already been filled and
The computer deleted its own memory and
The dry-cleaner can’t get that stain out and
The asshole that rear-ended you has no insurance and
The debt has augmented your credit history and
The wedding has been called off and
The cancer is overpowering your mother and
The government has lied to you and
The wrinkles in your face are making you look old and
The overlap in your gut is making you look fat and
The world is indifferent to your best-laid plans and
The funeral is going to be tomorrow and
The next one could even be yours.
Then they will have something
To really cry about—

These children, so foolhardy
In their ways;
A tantrum for the sense
Of loss of the entitlement
Of prominence…
A paroxysm for the nondescript
Gestures of humanity…

I can’t help but laugh at
These children—these fools of trivial glories—
Just at the moment I ask myself,
Who is the genuine fool here?

[Cate]

Hi Jason,

I really liked this.
It's true, when your a kid these small external things often seem so important and disappointment can be so painful. I liked how you had the two lists so that it was easy to see how many of those things were really so inconsequential and not so different then our lists as children. Even as an adult I can still get stuck on 'but I want to, or you to, or it '. As a mom you've brought up a good point about how important it is for children to have opportunities to experience small losses so that that can develop some effective coping skills.

[Teratogen]

There was a point I was going to make and I guess I just plum forgot to include it in this poem, but the fact that children cry so easily when they can't get something they want starts when they are infants. It's almost impossible to get around. As an infant, a child cannot communicate to anyone around it to what its needs are, so if it's hungry, if it's pooped itself, if it's in pain of some sort, or if it just requires attention of any kind it will cry. And parents, or anyone near, will come running. The infant has learned to acquire what it wants just by crying.

If a child cannot get what it wants it resorts to crying so that perhaps the crying will garner the attention it so craves, even if it's as something as silly as getting that toy. I see so many parents cave in, too. They say no, the child cries, the parent either feels sorry for the child or in order to get the child to be quiet it will give it what it wants.

But my main point was to observe how children cry over not obtaining the things that they want and then comparing it to what makes adults upset. As adults we justify our sorrow or anger in any way we can. The emotions are real, that cannot be denied. We cannot deny someone that human nature. But when I ask myself, "Is it less trivial of a child to be upset over not getting a toy than it is for a teenager to be upset over heartbreak or an adult to be upset over losing their job?" why would one carry more weight than the other? If an adult deems the loss of their job to be pretty dramatic and holds heavy repercussions to their livelihood, why would a child not think the same about their broken toy or their spilled ice cream cone? Perhaps they wouldn't be able to justify it with a strong sense of reason or make those connections, but who is to say their world is not ending when they don't get their way?

And then I posed the question, if we think children are being silly to cry over such inconsequential things, are we as adults being silly to cry over the things we deem severely consequential?

[Alsiony]

This is very perceptive Jason.

Speaking as a Mum of 3, the lessons of denial and disappointment are (obviously) very important. I don't deliberately deny my children things that they ask for for the sake of it - it's unfortunate in a sense that they have to get upset about it at all to be honest! - but in a way it isn't, because this is (partly) how you teach a child to cope with disappointment and sadness etc...
It is the most child-friendly way there is.
My children will hopefully not go through some of what I went through as a child to learn such lessons.
It's a shame when parents cave in - because in this harmless-as-possible way, there is a real opportunity (and a re-curing one at that!) to teach your children something very valuable, some fundamental coping mechanisms for example, that you teach them ofcourse, on a subconscious level a lot of the time.
NOT caving in can, on occasions feel like the ultimate test at times! hehe - but in making your own life easier for the short-term, you could be potentially making their life harder in the long run!

Thanks for this

A
x

[jabble524]

Very nice. The ending of the poem really brought it all together. Because you're right what is important is a matter of perception and perspective. To a 3 year old losing a toy might be as upsetting as losing a job or a lover to an adult. I think next question would be what do we really want? A child's perspective is very simple if they are 3 and they want a new toy- simple and to the point. However, as we get older it gets more difficult. Specifically, I think this is seen in adult relationships. Think of divorce, affairs, cheating, break-ups, hook-ups, marriage, soulmates, etc. Very few people marry and spend the rest of their life with the first boyfriend or girlfriend they have in their adult life, so maybe it's like a process of self-discovery. One thing which I think can help clarify things as an adult is to think, "if I died tomorrow, what would really be important?" Most things become very trivial and inconsequential when held up to this test.

[daka]

Nice poem Jason. Meaningful lyrics. Thought provoking. I have also reflected on this theme looking at children and looking internally. We do all share this capacity for suffering. Someone I know once said that the human mind is like an open wound. Two kinds of suffering that we all share are failing to satisfy our desires, and experiencing what we do not want to experience. There is no difference at all between the experiences of children or adults, only different value judgments made on behaviors.

MIlarepa (my avatar picture shows him) was a famous Tibetan Yogi, holy man, and meditator. He once said that little children are like robbers possessed by demons. On bad days most of us can claim these qualities if we are honest.

cheers

sean

[Teratogen]

Different value judments... I like that.

jabble, I don't know that it is necessarily quite simple in terms of children wanting a toy. It seems simple to us, but how complex of an idea is it to the child? Why does the child want it in essence? To keep itself occupied, entertained? To share it with friends? To make other kids jealous? To put it on a mantlepiece as a collectible? Do we not often echo these same sentiments with relationships? Perhaps we don't necessarily know why we want it, we just do. And while most adults never seem to settle down long enough to make a life with another person, think of how long a child is entertained with just one toy. When the child grows older it feels less of a need to use that toy. It becomes something eventually sold at a garage sale. Or it becomes so used up it is practically useless.

There's another comparative poem for you... a child is a toy as a lover is to its mate. Food for thought.

[daka]

There's another comparative poem for you... a child is a toy as a lover is to its mate. Food for thought.

This reminds me of Leonard's lyrics in 'There for You' from Dear Heather:

"... making objects out of thought...."

I love that song, and I think it relates to this theme.

The big danger in relationships, I think, is depersonification, when we 'objectify' people, not just lovers. When I go into a store and the person dealing with me treats me like another object in the process (especially at the cash register checking out), I often feel 'depersonified' I don't take it personally, but feel sad for everyone's loss. I sometimes make an effort to change the movie and play with people, with humor.

Speaking again of relationships, the bigger danger in relationships is ending up thinking that there actually is an inherently existent person 'in there' .... who exists independent of my mind, from her own side ... took me years to learn about that danger.... the person I am in relationship with is unique to my mind, impermanent.... momentary ..... thank god, buddha, and everyone else!

cheers

sean

[Teratogen]

We objectify people whether we are in a relationship or not. It's how we judge--it makes it easier for us to deal with someone as an object rather than a human being.

[Alsiony]

Tis extremely wrong though isn't it! Certainly feels that way to me, and to a great extent too.

I like what Daka has said about changing a situation using humour - I do the same kind of thing quite a lot and you'd be suprised (or maybe not suprised atall) at what a difference taking a few extra minutes to be a 'real person' with someone at a cash register (for example) can make...everyone walks away with a smile on their face and it has cost absolutely nothing to achieve something better than objective nothingness.
Failng to treat other people this way (above) Is something that I am very aware of and I try not to do it as much as possible.
I think objectifying people is one of those human traits - that is sometimes a necessary shortcut I guess, but it is one of those aspects of humanity that I certainly wouldn't describe as one of my favourites.
While it is true that we all have only so much time to do our thing in this life - the downsides of it, the negative consequences of it - make it a hard trait to stomach - in my opinion.

A
x

[daka]

You now have me thinking about "human beings". What is a human being? What makes a being 'human'? What is an inhuman being? Are there any inhuman beings? It seems to me that the qualifications that we might conventionally attribute to 'inhuman beings' are actually very human. When people behave in an unusually holy (unhuman) fashion we label them superhuman, like Mother Teresa, Gandhi, etc.

My father who is 86 and will shortly be exiting his 'human' state, is Irish, and is a lover of language. When he wishes to compliment someone he says that the person is very 'human'. I hope I have a chance to ask him to expand on his use of the word as a profound compliment. For me, being a rather serious student of transcendence during the last few decades, being human is actually something that needs to be transcended, liberated from.

Thanks for the food for thought

sean

[Teratogen]

Y'know, I think about our human nature and how we label, judge, and objectify often on first contact. I think it is easier for us to do because of our fear of the unknown. Perhaps the fear is not always prevalent or as pronounced in everybody, but I know it's there. Sometimes I wonder though... if we label out of fear of the unknown why we do we an African-American youth with baggy clothing walking down the street and automatically think he's a gangster? Or that he's violent? Perhaps it's the way we've been taught to think, but wouldn't thinking that way about that person make us more afraid? Okay, what if he was a gangster? Why would that be frightening to YOU? Unless you thought you may have done something to provoke him. But I guess if you thought he was violent by nature that he would not ever try to reason with his anger and him simply attacking you for no reason would make sense.

But I think we also do these things because it saves time, it's easier in that sense. Instead of having to personally get to know everybody we make it easier on ourselves by labeling and judging so that we don't have to feel obligated to get to know them.

But to say that this is a human trait and that it is one of the more unbecoming ones, well, okay, I mean we're humans and we're not perfect. But to call it wrong??? The last thing I'll doubt about human beings is that, becoming or not, what makes us human can never be "wrong."

[daka]

I think what defines human beings is "fear" Teratogen. If an extraterrestrial came to this planet and observed humans he would report that they are constantly engaged in two types of activities, avoiding suffering, and looking for happiness/pleasure. We know that human life is suffering, gross and subtle and very subtle, and we don't like suffering, and we engage in many activities to avoid it. We are nearly always experiencing this fear.

Unfortunately we experience suffering and much of the time we cause suffering. The spiritual giants that we occasionally put on a pedestal, and occasionally crucify and occasionally shoot, all strive in their life and in their teachings to come to terms with this suffering, to understand it perfectly, to put an end to it, and also to stop causing suffering to others. They then teach us about these things.

Regarding the Afro American with the weird appearance and subsequent judgementsI think some our weird behavior comes from being taught to be that way, but most of it 'comes with the territory' (earth ... human etc.) so it is also part of our nature, and we are born with it.

If someone offered me a pill that would allow me to live forever, in this body, in this mind, in this world, I would certainly not take it. This, for me would be the script for the ultimate horror movie.

The freedom solutions are all internal, spiritual, non material. When we focus externally liberation is impossible.

cheers

sean

[Teratogen]

I dunno. I like a lot of eastern philosophy, but to seriously consider that life IS suffering... it doesn't leave a lot of breathing room for any type of light-hearted frame of mind. Is happiness then overcoming fear and suffering? Perhaps. But why is it made to seem so unobtainable? I don't think it's that complicated. But perhaps we as humans make it so.

[daka]

I dunno. I like a lot of eastern philosophy, but to seriously consider that life IS suffering... it doesn't leave a lot of breathing room for any type of light-hearted frame of mind. Is happiness then overcoming fear and suffering? Perhaps. But why is it made to seem so unobtainable? I don't think it's that complicated. But perhaps we as humans make it so.

Hi Teratogen

There are a few important points to consider here. Firstly, if we believe that this life is all there is I think that we are heavily invested in an optimistic view and conclusion, because not attaining this optimism is terrifying, and often leads to suicide and other desperate actions. If we believe that there is a possibility of rebirth then we are naturally optimistic because a new movie will play (new body, new world etc). If we logically conclude that there can be a spectrum of possibilities in this rebirth equation then we are motivated to seek the higher end of the spectrum. This is fundamental Buddhist and Eastern belief. You may have heard the term "renunciation" with respect to Buddhist and eastern philosophy in general. Most people think that what we need to renounce is pleasure, joy, worldly interests. This is not true. What is actually renounced is future uncontrolled rebirth. Many people believe that by changing their actions (mental physical and verbal) in this life and controlling their mind through the death process they can exit what is called ·samsara" (the cycle of uncontrolled death/rebirth). I once did a two-month solitary silent retreat meditating on this theme and it was the happiest retreat I have ever done, and my mind was quite "light-hearted".

My second point is that probably one of the most important issues to "grok" or wrap your mind around is this question of whether life is "suffering". When Buddha Shakyamuni began teaching, the first teachings he gave were "The four noble truths". They are... True Sufferings, True Causes, True Cessations, and True Paths. This topic has been clearly described and taught for over 2500 years. You can "godgle"... four noble truths .... and check it out for yourself, and if you are interested in pursuing the theme more I can recommend some books.

But, yes, unfortunately, life IS suffering, and "suffering management" is what we need to accomplish. Complete, perfect suffering management is also called liberation, nirvana, enlightenment. So there is good reason for many of us to be optimistic. But people being optimistic without the "good reasons· concerns me greatly, and I find this quite sad.

I realized that my previous post could seem a bit pessimistic so I am happy to clarify my position a bit.

By the way, I am convinced that Leonard Cohen's views are exactly the same as mine. You can see his belief system in his lyrics. It is easier for a serious student of Buddhism to see them, and Leonard has been one for over thirty years. I would refer you to a few songs to make this point:


Here it is ..........(describes exactly what I have posited in this post)
Closing Time ...............(refers precisely to my above stated comments)
Love Itself ....... (check out this video commentary by a Zen monk friend of Leonard's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSv5ELuujjs
(I used to think Love Itself was a love song and I used to be a Buddhist monk, so Leonard's presentation of his Buddhist beliefs is necessarily exquisitely subtle and skilled ..... He walks a cultural and religious tightrope because many of his fans are of the Judeo/Christian persuasion)

Actually Leonard's lyrics are extremely spiritual. I didn't play the guitar for fourteen years then I heard Ten New Songs... listened carefully, and decided to play and sing again. The a few years later I also descended the mountain after years of retreat and now I am "Back on Boogie Street" also.

Thanks

sean