my world-your world

[peter danielsen]

my world has only black snow
dead squirrels and lonely hate
slowly sliding into the fear
that ever was

your world is stupid and
warm white skin
and I know for certain
that you will look death
straight into her eyes
full of love and boring details
like response
like rent
like life

[iveta]

thank you
it seems to me grotesque, cynical and self-ironically wise

full of love and boring details
like response
like rent
like life

sounds like a nice view of a sceptic over naivity

[Manna]

Unless you really are a suicidal cutter, the first stanza is over-dramatic. But the second stanza is really good. Well, most of it is.
this:

your world is stupid and
warm white skin
and I know for certain
that you will look death
straight into her eyes
full of love and boring details

Of course, I realize chopping it down to this undoes your entire intent and would also require a title-change. But does the world of the second stanza have to be contrasted? Isn't that world unusual enough without it? Your reader will use it to contrast against his/her own world, and weather the reader's world pleases him or not, it is likely a contrast to stupid & boring.

I'm not sure what inspired this, but it makes me think of a baby who is destined to die shortly after birth. Or a suicidal cutter.