Federico Garcia Lorca

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 4:42 pm

But all should know that i have not died
Forget your acrid, lemon tears and dry your orange eyes
They searched far and wide for my body, but it was inside
The furrowed and strained vineyard of despair
Intertwined with all the other bones of freedom, laid there
Shot for trying to give some people hope
Just when it looked like they could not cope
A raging bull of twisted sexual surprise
A handsome youth with tears welling in his eyes
And born to live and portray Spanish life, his words immortal
Shines like the moon through a divine inspired portal
And although they tried to stifle beauty's disguise
Of gypsy love, the horse's head dared to rise
And try to kiss the moonlight's night
A shattered skull and a blood gorged prism of light
Laid to rest for trying to give Spain's peasants second sight
Amongst the anguish of the terrible, bloody, civil strife
And the world cried out at Franco's nerve
Denial and betrayal, Lorca did not get what he deserved
His immortal poetry did not ever lie
But all should know that i have not died
Georges

Copyright 2004. George Wright

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 4:55 pm

This seems very well done, Georges. In the line, "And try and kiss the moonlight's night," did you mean "And try to kiss...."? It would eliminate two ands in a row, plus be more accurate in its phrasing. I appreciated the calmer delivery, yet still intense tone and message, of this one. So true with your last line, as well as a number of others.

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:15 pm

Thanks for your comments, Liz. I did change the and to a to.
Best Regards........Georges

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 7:24 pm

Georges~

Another gem.

And i think this one stayed "tight" like that other one...(the title slips me mind)...staying focused and the quality is consistent throughout.

There are few words that i think could be elminated.
Indulge me

Line 2:

Forget your lemon acrid tears and dry your orange eyes

I suggest scratching ACRID.

Intertwined with all the other bones of freedom, laid down there

I think DOWN is dispensible.

A handsome youth with tears welling in his eyes
And born to live and portray Spanish life, his words immortal

Here, first line, WITH can be replaced with a comma.
Line 2, the beginning AND can go.

The last 2 lines of the poem are poignant as they are, but trouble me for the reason that is sort of goes against your first line. I would like to see something more 'heroic' said about Lorca's death, other than he did not get what he deserved. Here is a pretty lame example of what i am talking about:

And the world cried out at Franco's kill
But Lorca goes on touching us still......

Please remember, i wouldn't bother giving this poem so much consideration if i didn't already love it. It is a wonderful piece.

cheers, laurie

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:14 pm

Thank you Laurie for your kind comments and considerations. I will pehaps review the poem, depending on other feedback.
Georges

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:15 pm

Thank you Laurie for your kind comments and considerations. I will pehaps review the poem, depending on other feedback.
Georges

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:23 pm

Ouch.

Okay.

L

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:06 am

It was not an insult, Laurie.
I need to ponder your suggestions for some time, i value your input.
Best regards......Georges

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:07 am

It was not an insult, Laurie.
I need to ponder your suggestions for some time, i value your input.
Best regards......Georges

witty_owl · Post by **witty_owl** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:35 am

Good one George, though I am not informed of Lorca's story.
I would reverse the order of lemon and acrid- acrid, lemon tears. Sounds better to my ear- that's all.
To quote Mark Seymour- "nobody deserves to die!" (Holy Grail) I agree with Laurie re the last line though I have no lame examples to suggest.

Regards, Witty Owl.

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:47 am

Thanks Witt, for your compliments and suggestions.
Georges

witty_owl · Post by **witty_owl** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:59 am

OK George here's a lame suggestion.

And the world cried out at Franco's nerve!
Denial, betrayal, this slaughter deserved?
Did my poetry ever Lie?
My work goes on, I did not die.

Regards, Witty Owl.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 3:05 am

Georges~

I like the changes you have made...but just noticed something you can ponder (or not

)

The poem starts out with first person ""I" have not died..."

But this does not remain consistent within the poem. With a little prodding i think it could all be put in to first person.

And there is a line that i keep wanting to change in my head...going against my usual non-opinionated self (haha) i will share:

They searched far and wide for my body, but it was inside
The furrowed and strained vineyard of despair

I keep wanting to make that first line:

They searched far and wide for my body, but i was not inside

I realize this does not fit with the next line, but that is not stopping me...

If you do decide to change this all to first person, it would help the endings message as it is now.

I like the "lame" suggestion from Witty, for starters.
But prefer YOUR current repeat of the first line, as the last.

Obnoxiously,
Laurie

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 3:07 am

Nice suggestion, Witt. I prefer my own changes, yours were good too. I was tempted........
Georges

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 3:09 am

Nice suggestion, Witt. I prefer my own changes, yours were good too. I was tempted........
Georges