The mermaid

[George.Wright]

This poem is dedicated to Federico Garcia Lorca

A beautiful girl on the rocks of the sea's mesh
the moon pearling off her white, naked, virgin flesh
guitar like, it strummed a gentle unearthly song
it was difficult here to imagine right from wrong

Above the cliffs like balustrades of God's justice and hope
the white horse appeared and spread it's gothic wings
a silhouette and a canopy against the dreamy speckled stars, that did sing
and it plunged into the foamy sea of blood red colours, under the slope

Deep below the acid sea and a dark blood depth of despair
into the caverns and the rocks, hidden deep under there
a mona lisa smile, a mirror, a knowledge and an enigmatic stare
as the mermaid brushed her tattered and salty unkempt hair

And she dreamt of the olive trees and the scent of the oranges and the feel of soft silk
the deep wells and the drowned and sexually confused youths of hope
who lost their ideals of love and normality and could not cope
brought tight into her ample white bosoms of motherly, smothering, hot milk

And she dreamt of the troubled and strifed vineyards and orangegroves of civil war Spain
in 36, down a desolate and leafy lovers lane
to an isolated vineyard of lost buried souls, under the ground in the rain
and the moon was gorged and very, very vain
a sharp rifle crack and a poet's face etched with blinding pain
his life blood and hopes, pouring into the furrowed sores of a split Spain from his veins
the poeple's poet, who gave hope and inspiration for the peasant masses
buried, forgotten and entwined in death's decomposing ashes
no more hope or poetic beauty for the divided Spanish people
just the anchoring of the stoic, unbending, religious, catholic church steeple

And the mermaid's lower green body scales, shimmered and shone in the primeval moonlight night
She cried for justice, she cried for man's plight
then the winged, white, pale horse with no visible rider
managed to clamber onto the rock next beside her
and suddenly a Leviathan of the deep surged upwards from the troughs of the waves
kissed the moonlight and counted the number of the forgotten graves
if knowledge is to remain dormant in the blood of the deep caves
then justice is vanquished and hope will never be saved
and the mermaid left the winged horse on it's perilous wave battered rock
and threw it a piece of her cut, shorn, tattered mermaid's lock
and jumped into the wild and mysterious sea, forever to be free
and ended up captured in a canvas by the painter, Salvador Dali.
Georges

copyright 2004. George Wright

[LaurieAK]

Georges~

Boy, what an epic mouth full!

Overall, i think it is a brilliant piece.

But the inconsistencies of rhythm and style gave me problems in reading it for what it is. I kept getting bogged down, looking for the rhyme. The descriptive prose could be pared down a bit i think for a smoother transition. Or maybe just tweaking the line breaks would help. Maybe I am too much of a lazy reader. I really don't want to have to work too hard.

This is really wonderful, despite my reading problems. thanks for sharing. Regards, Laurie

[George.Wright]

Laurie, it was a simple idea that took vein. Most of Lorca's themes and imagry are in the poem. I thought it was good, but it may need pruned. It clicked in my head after reading some of Lorca's selected poems. I wanted to tie it all in with the terrible injustice of his death, i hope i have achieved some homage, i thank you very much for your valued opinion.
Georges.

[witty_owl]

Good one George By all means scrutinise the veses for pruning but I think this one needs very little editing at all. Here you are telling a story and not trying overly hard to make rhymes fit where they may seem contrived. I really like this one George.
If a rhyme does not fit meaningfully into the story or theme then it should be discarded. Unless of course it is intended to be sung and that is a different matter again.
Have you got any more "stories"?

Cheers,Witty Owl.

[Kush]

Georges...I think in general all your poems have gotten better.

[George.Wright]

Thank you Witt and Kush for your valued comments, it's nice to get some feedback on the work that you produce. This was an "epic" poem and i wondered what reaction it would achieve. Thanks again.......Georges