Flashback

[George.Wright]

and my mind is playing tricks again
i'm living a life that is so gain and vain
and i flashback to the naked white bodies in the shower
herded there by a black evil leather power
and there is no water but a gas seeping in
the squeels of the children, without any sin
and we join together as one to protect our race
and the bespectacled nazis squint through the glass to our face
hatred peering at death without a humanatarian cause
we hear the laughter and the merry applause
and the kids are gasping their last, they ain't gonna see Santa Claus!!
and i feel that i'm re-living and re-living the past
how can hatred with such hatred last?
the loser is hate and the emotion of terminal loss
emotionally symbolised by the crucifixation on the cross
Georges

[Ben Kelly]

Dear George

Since the tone of the poem is melancholy I think the constant rhymes are not necessary here to improve the meaning. Here I would lose the Rhymes and hence confusion?

The poetry warrior is gradually hanging up his battle axe, and finally retires?


Cheers


Ben

[George.Wright]

Ben, you will never lay down the sword.
Untill you are sick, tired and sore
your mind is in total rappore
and only settles when sleeping, a constant snore.
Georges

[George.Wright]

Ben, i have changed and re-named the poem altogether!!!!
I hope you like this version.
Georges