Dancing (the Goosestep)

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 5:34 pm

Dancing, using the goosestep
Dancing , till we are out of breath
Dancing, still further, dancing till the last gasps of death
Peering through the steamy portholes
watching the departure of the last poor souls
Squinting your evil eyes
No time to say our last goodbyes
the smell of almonds in the air
over the virgin corpes that had no hair
shorn for Hitler and to help the ayrans sleep
the bodies are carried out, like a lot of slaughtered sheep
thrown into the purity of fire
which flings the ashes upwards from the collective funeral pyre
no music, no lyre
no bodies or stones to mark the place
just another nazi with a gas mask on his face
plastic steamed up at the crimes against the human race
six million gone, dissappeared without trace
a crime against God and your collective soul inside
if the jews were the groom, then fire was the bride
Georges

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 7:59 pm

HI Georges~

This is worlds better than your last poem on this subject. You create ominous visions fitting for the ominous situation. And your outrage shows through between the lines.

As for the life of the poem itself, there are a few lines that could use a bit shoring up. When two lines that rhyme each other are far apart in length it is 'awkward.'

For instance line 3 can be cut down to:

"Dancing, still further, till the last gasps of death"

Line 11 down to:

"Carried out, like a lot of slaughtered sheep"

Anyways, just a couple of examples of what i am referring to. If how they are is your preference just tell me to shut up (nicely please).

I have one favor to ask. On your line:

"just another german with a gas mask on his face"

Would you please consider using NAZI instead of "german."

Thanks for sharing your poem. Regards, Laurie

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 8:12 pm

I agree, Laurie, with the respect you've shown the victims this time, Georges. It seems Laurie's suggestions are good ones......and I couldn't agree more on the changing of German to Nazi. They say "the sins of the fathers are visited upon.......," but we cannot and must not blame all the generations to come. Even at the time, it was the Nazis, not the Germans! The horrific tragedy and deep sadness comes through in this poem.

~ Elizabeth

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 3:45 am

Thanks laurie and Liz for your comments. I have changed german to nazi, although this poem may get the message across better, the last one created the hits and spread the message to a larger audience.
Two styles of transporting a message.
Georges

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 4:05 am

Thank you for exchanging 'German' with the more accurate, Nazi. Laurie

Hermitage · Post by **Hermitage** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 9:13 am

"Nazi" is more accurate than "German", but for a different reason. Though the idea to destroy the Jewish race did originate with the Germans, VERY large segments of the Austrian, French, Polish, Ukrainian,Hungarian, Dutch, and other populations embraced Nazism and carried out their crimes as zealously as their German counterparts.

(For those that don't know: Denmark was the only occupied country that actively resisted the Nazi regime's efforts to deport the Jews. The Danes responded quickly to news of the Nazi plans with a NATIONWIDE effort to smuggle Jews by sea to neutral Sweden.)

Regarding the later generation(s), it's interesting that of the countries that did cooperate with Hitler, only Germany has made serious attempts to confront its past. And only recently did France (through Chirac) accept any responsibility for its energetic and knowing deportation of Jewish adults and children.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 9:23 am

Not telling you anything you don't already know, Hermitage; but just a reenforcement from someone who wasn't aware of all that. You're right ~ very substantive and crucial distinction[s] that you're making. Thanks.

~ Elizabeth

Ben Kelly · Post by **Ben Kelly** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 7:27 pm

Dear George

Are you writing a Nazi musical here similar to Carabet?

All I can say is Bark, Bark Bark Bark, who let the dogs out?

Cheers

Ben

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 8:15 pm

Ben~
If so, Isherwood is rolling in his grave.

Hermitage~
Thank you. Thank you. A real historical perspective is tantamount here. Knowing Jews were forced to dance to their deaths is ultimately of no value. Knowing why? who? how? and understanding the dynamics that 'allowed' the Holocaust to occur is what we need to learn and learn well. Regards, laurie

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 9:10 pm

Ben, I don't have any dogs, just cats......mieow!!!!
Georges

Kush · Post by **Kush** » Mon Feb 23, 2004 4:53 am

George....consider writing a single two-part poem titled or having the central theme/refrain as "Shall we dance?". One part deals with the goosestep - jingoistic dance of aggression. And the other part is the dance of desperation from the perspective of those condemned to the chambers. But with some sensitivity please.
BTW, Hitler was a democratically elected leader of the german people in 1930-something, far as I recall my history.

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Mon Feb 23, 2004 11:56 am

Kush, i was trying to contrast the earlier poem, Shall we Dance, from a different perspective, however to show ultimately the same message.
The Holocaust was and still remains, the greatest crime to humanity. Some would criticise the ease at which the Jews went or danced to their deaths, others the aggressive dance of the selection prochedures, giving people very little time to think. The ideology of aggression shown by the Jews in Warsaw, did little to slow the gassings, but formulated later in the creation of Israel. The Nazis took a terrible revenge on those captured during the Warsaw Rising to show to the jews that to resist was futile, however many argue that resistance en masse, would have slowed up the final solution.
Georges