Evolutions

[George.Wright]

the indefinable line bewteen life and death
that most people will see on gasping their last hurried breath
the beauty that exists in everything you see
pulsating, vibrant, radiant and free
and if you look closely at the cat's eye
you will see it replicated in all the dark night sky
Galaxies, spickles and nebulous clouds of gas
copied in the vision to the soul's glass
and then you will realise that it is not worth the fight
for trying to put the evils of the world right
back co-exists with white, it's the duality that must motivate
opposites attract that you thought would just hate
if GOD is the man that decided to create
nature is the woman who served it all up on a plate
and all inbewteen is just a simple twist of fate
that allow the planets to spin and mathematically gyrate
life begats death which genetically changes
and the species evolves and manages to rearranges
letting life metamorphise and continue to spawn
ever since the jubilation of the first primeval dawn
Georges

[Ben Kelly]

Dear George

George, the Gaseous
Gyrating George
Your word palette is Galactic
Your Pen hotter than.............

Ben

[Makera]

Hi George~

Not bad, by George! not bad at all. Really like:

"If GOD is the man that decided to create
nature is the woman who served it up on a plate"

One small, though presumptuous, suggestion: you might try tweaking that
3rd last line; 'twould get the rhythm right.

(Typo/spellcheck too)

~Makera

PS Took my own advice; had to 'edit' when I found I'd got my
'rhythm' wrong

[George.Wright]

Thanks for your comments, Makera.
I will look at the line mentioned.
Georges

[Makera]

Hi Georges~

life begats death which genetically changes
and the species evolves and manages to rearranges
letting life metamorphise and continue to spawn
ever since the jubilation of the first primeval dawn
Georges

Here's a possible alternative for your consideration:

'life begets death which genetically changes
as the species evolves and it all rearranges
letting life metamorphise and continue to spawn
ever since the jubilation o' the primeval dawn'



By the way, "first primeval" is tautology i.e. saying the same thing twice.

I don't mean to be a pest, but there's no point in offering criticism without
having some kind of example or solution to show, is there?

If you recite the lines you'll get the difference in cadence.

Were you a Cat Stevens fan, by any chance? Something in this reminds me of "Morning Has Broken".

~Makera








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[George.Wright]

Thanks for your tweeking, Makera.
Yes..............I liked Cat Stevens, thanks again for your input.
georges