last night a dream

heatherly · Post by **heatherly** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 11:29 pm

where were we
when the music
-stopped
the stage was dark
and barren
and you were young
and fat!
in fact

it wasn't you at all
in some trendy hawaiian shirt
(was that ever trendy?)
some leftover remnant
of a trip in someone else's clothes

we sat sleeping in the dark odeon
loafing in seats like lazyboys
-most were empty
our tickets for the back row
why didn't we move forward
and cheer for your
half-hearted serenade?

where is this dimly lit room
where music has died
and time has slipped past us
with our sleepy lives

not even surprised
you left the stage

we stared on in agony
having missed our final chance
without ever leaving our easy chairs

magneticcry · Post by **magneticcry** » Thu Jul 24, 2003 12:21 pm

it`s cut,but also depressing...is this a description of your real-life experience? (methaphorically)...or is it just a "made-up" emotion of something?
(i hope you don`t mind my asking

heatherly · Post by **heatherly** » Thu Jul 24, 2003 7:15 pm

its an actual dream i had.... quite haunting

m · Post by m » Fri Jul 25, 2003 1:37 pm

this is an excellent poem. only a very special person could have had a dream like this.

heatherly · Post by **heatherly** » Fri Jul 25, 2003 4:28 pm

why thank you m...hehehehe

Heretic · Post by **Heretic** » Fri Jul 25, 2003 5:05 pm

The stuff between the lines is always far more interesting.
Lovely item on the BBC site yesterday.
Football teams and their pre-season tours.
Barnet FC went all the way to their managers house in Maidenhead.
They even cleaned up after themselves.
Nice bunch of lads.
No idea why i even mention this.

magneticcry · Post by **magneticcry** » Fri Jul 25, 2003 10:03 pm

well,it sure is a bit haunting,but in a poem it doesn`t sound that terrifying i guess...but in a dream,brr...

heatherly · Post by **heatherly** » Fri Jul 25, 2003 11:49 pm

you know, i do believe i have heard quite a bit about those Barnet boys....hmmm... funny

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Sat Jul 26, 2003 2:16 am

Hi heatherly ~

This is the part that I can imagine waking from, with feelings of deep sadness and loss:

"why didn't we move forward
and cheer for your
half-hearted serenade?

where is this dimly lit room
where music has died
and time has slipped past us
with our sleepy lives

not even surprised
you left the stage

we stared on in agony
having missed our final chance"

~ Elizabeth

heatherly · Post by **heatherly** » Sun Jul 27, 2003 7:37 pm

Thanks Elizabeth! Less is definitely often more. I like your edits.

Heather

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Sun Jul 27, 2003 9:57 pm

Oh dear, heatherly! I didn't mean it as an Edit. I was just selecting the section I was particularly struck by

!

~ Elizabeth

heatherly · Post by **heatherly** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 4:40 am

maybe edit wasn't the best word. i like how you removed the context of the beginning of my dream. i was going for the complete visual effect as i remembered it. without it, the sentiment stands out more, so i appreciate seeing it that way.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 4:56 am

Ahh, okay, yes.....I agree with you on that. The sentiment has a metaphorical universality, as well.