A day off

[heatherly]

i miss the time
i spent drowning
in the flames with you
-freedom seemed much closer then
tied as i was to ideas

was it easier-
darling?
(as we never used to say)
i knew something
lost in your thoughts
torn by the search
not numbed
by the war of daily acceptance
things are quieter now. sometimes-

the routine:
feel something
learn to forget

crazy to miss the
endless seaching
you led me in

then, you were always by my side
now, you are part of me
like the memory of watching a leaf
flow down a stream of rain
sunlight glittering on the ripples

now, the occasional moment
i think i know something-
that you understand- i immediately forget

yes, i miss you
not as a buried vase
as the one who held my hand
in the search,
the fall,
the random minor resurrection

here i sit in the sun
its well past april
and its beer, not ouzo
soon, you will know the stars.

[lizzytysh]

Dear heatherly ~

I'm intrigued, wondering how long ago this is written for, were you on Hydra, in Greece, or just drinking ouzo in the U.S. .....was Leonard your darling , or the one, for whom your love led you and another to be wherever you were, sharing ouzo. "Soon you will know the stars" sounds like death is imminent.....or perhaps this person has positioned himself in a higher-visibility role than what he was when with you, and the stars are as in celebrities. It sounds to have been written regarding something long ago, about which you remain quite wistful. Though the "well past April" sounds as though the reference point is much more recent.

Welcome to the Forum ~ and thanks for sharing your poetry so immediately.

~ Lizzytysh

[Byron]

I sense the wistful memory of a long, lost, holiday romance when womanhood flowered on a far flung shore, on some beautiful balmy evenings. But I'm probably wrong, again.

[lizzytysh]

I can relate very strongly to this poem, the days gone by when "-freedom seemed much closer then / tied as i was to ideas" ~ the long conversations into the night, sometimes till we realized it was getting light, and time to get some sleep. "....not numbed / by the war of daily acceptance / things are quieter now. sometimes- / the routine: / feel something / learn to forget." As this resonates so much with the settling in, it's not crazy at all to miss the endless searching. Your poem brings back some precious memories, heatherly, ones I would be glad to trade for today.

~ Elizabeth

[heatherly]

thank you so for the thought you have put into my poem. yes, i think "settling in" plays a big part in my view of things, how the time has changed a part of myself into a memory. and elizabeth, your analysis is very close to my thoughts in writing this today. i won't give specifics, but the ouzo was at home, a yearly april ritual when it's first warm enough to sit outside with a drink and a pen to write down those ideas that only the first of spring warmth seems to bring... of course, with darling leonard playing in the background.

it means so much that you can understand where i am coming from.

always,
heather

[lizzytysh]

Hi Heather,

I always feel so good when someone affirms that I've understood. Yes, I do.

It's true how it seems "how the time has changed a part of myself into a memory," that which the settling in has compromised to the extent that it now remains only a memory. Yet, there are those times when that part awakens, and we realize that, that part of us still flourishes somewhere beneath it all....and we are so grateful for the awakening. It seems your April ritual with your pen and now beer, remembering the ouzo, recording your thoughts that come with Spring, is testimony to that part of you.

How wonderful must it be for Leonard when someone understands, truly understands, what his words have said. So satisfying.

~ Elizabeth

[Wholly Anonymous]

maybe Leonard used to be her "darling" but then she discovered a life beyond.

[heatherly]

Leonard who?

[lizzytysh]

~ you know, that one down the street that kept dipping into your ouzo.