every heart to love

[lazariuk]

he was four years old and I was trying to remember the way I use to think when I was four that day in a city park where we played.

We were on the playground apparatus that had ladders, slides, climbing ropes, levels and swinging bridges. It started out as usual with Jacob being Spiderman and I being the evil monster and it was chasing and climbing and sliding and running and eventually dad was tired and found a seat on one of the high levels of the apparatus and rested. He sat beside me and we were both watching when a woman arrived with two children who were both about Jacob's age, a boy and a girl.

They saw us and the girl came over to check things out and climbed to where we were. Jacob was happy to see some kids there and so when the girl got near he said "Hi, do you want to play with me?" She answered " No, I don't like you" then Jacob said " Well I like you" Then she said looking over to the boy who was still with the woman " and Mark is my friend and not yours" Then she headed back over to where the boy and the woman were.

I didn't really like the little girl telling my son that she didn't like him but it certainly didn't seem to bother him because he had just so simply replied "well I like you" It might not have been necessary but I made the comment to him that it seemed to me that the little girl was a bit afraid that her friend Mark was going to like Jacob and that was why she said what she did. I think I might have been a little stupid for making that comment. Anyway after my short rest we went back to playing.

From the apparatus we went on to other games and other places in the park. Occasionally I would look over at the others and would see that the woman was sitting on a bench reading a book and the children were more often than not just watching Jacob and I having fun. Eventually we got to a tree with low branches where it was easy for me to lift Jacob into the branches where he seemed to enjoy being. When that happened the other two kids came over and asked me if I could lift them into the branches as well which I did. All three of the kids were delighted to be playing there together and were having a wonderful time with getting the seeds from the tree and sending them swirling in different directions and other games that they played.

Soon it was dinnertime and the woman came to get the two kids who almost had to be dragged away and as they were they went on a bit in telling the woman how much they liked Jacob and wanted to keep playing with him and telling Jacob that they liked meeting him etc. When they left I commented to Jacob that that was pretty interesting how that went. How earlier he had been told that someone didn't want to play with him and that in a very short period of time that that is what they seemed to most want to do. We both liked how that went.

I tell this story occasionally to myself, others and my son because it came as a surprise to me the way he responded when he was told that someone didn't like him and didn't want to play with him and that the way he responded I think made a big difference in the result. Einstein once commented that almost everyone will ask the question "Why?" but that very few will ask the question "to what end?"

[Thebrad]

Well Laz that is a most beautiful and interesting story. It does make me realise that we have a lot to learn from children, partly because we still have our child inside us and partly because each generation brings something new to the table. Gahlil Gibran says 'Our chidren are not our children...... they are the arrows that our bow sends forth... ' I am paraphrasing here... but am sure you will get my drift. Lovely story and point well made. Thank You.

[mat james]

Your son
seems a man of few words, Jack.
It must be his mother's influence !

"Well I like you."...a better quote than Einstein's!

[Steven]

Hi Jack,

Great story. And that it came from your son's honesty and non-reactivity to the
negative remark, well, that's even better than "to what end." There's nothing
wrong with "to what end," and that's a good thing, but that's a cerebral thing
(at least at its onset). And, as the title of the thread suggests, a four year
old expressing those words to a stranger would be a heart thing... a whole
lot better.

[Sideways]

again?