Ashes

[Byron]

Oh what tepid, troubled thought,
Does taint the unseized coming day.
To curl one’s love ‘round loosened bounds,
And cry a dream fast on its way.

Untaken time plied waxed and waned,
Beneath reflected so far star,
Given out since time unknown
Bequeathed to me in funereal jar

[Steven]

Hi Byron,

That jar could be filled with the substance of self-fulfilling expectations when
the thought is unchecked or not neutralized.

[jimbo]

scatter them.....
they are returned from where they came.........

[Alan Alda]

Hi Byron~

It's refreshing to see a poem carved into a 'form' around these parts.
Great attention was paid to the sonics/inner rhyme, too. Really enjoyed this.
I am a bit confused about your use of the word: "tepid"
It seems sort of weak, literally and figuratively. I'm interested in your reason. (Sorry I know this is obnoxious.)

Thanks for the read.
cheers,
Laurie

[Byron]

Hi Byron~

It's refreshing to see a poem carved into a 'form' around these parts.
Great attention was paid to the sonics/inner rhyme, too. Really enjoyed this.
I am a bit confused about your use of the word: "tepid"
It seems sort of weak, literally and figuratively. I'm interested in your reason. (Sorry I know this is obnoxious.)

Thanks for the read.
cheers,
Laurie

Dear obnoxious, it's pleasant to be able to realise refreshment in another at this time of the seasons. "tepid," ??? this was a real problem. Trying to catch that fleeing/fleeting moment 'twixt sleep and consciousness, at a time when the 'voice' is not certain of what went before, what is about to follow, and how much impact/impression, all of the inflow onto the senses makes. Was it hot or cold, was it getting better or worse? I doubt that there are many who awake with a flourish and a leaping forth into the new day. Mostly, the transition is lacking in intensity. Perhaps even, tepid in staleness or desire. I wanted to find the right 'bridge' to cross at that particular moment. Not strong and well constructed, but flimsy and yet merely adequate. The 'thought' is in the baggage, which has to be carried between sleep and wakefulness. The carrier is only just sufficient. The 'thought' showed/shows promise? Tepid is midway. It spoils the moment, dream, expectation. If it was milk it would be almost 'sour'.

[Alan Alda]

Hey B~

Thanks for the indepth explanation. It all makes sense (of course).

It still seems a bit 'off'. Maybe it is because 'tepid' is modifying 'troubled' and the noun is lost in the back of the room. Maybe it is Just Me (mostly likely scenario).

Good work!
Ignore me.
cheers,
L