Yes, it grabs you from the start.

Nit. I'd like to see whisper & shout given more emphasis
but no idea how

Nit. Don't much like the direct address to the reader
Would you like to hear my truth

Very futuristic.

Babz

Wow, Liz, this is downright poetic! :D Why not try to work with this magnetic field? It could be right there waiting for you to release it. It may surprise you and come bursting out. Love Babz Am I wrong in thinking the whole poem is past tense? Oh why didn't I pay attention during grammar class.

So good to see you again, Dichter.

Who is it whom I address
Who takes down what I confess
Are you the teachers of my heart
We teach old hearts to rest.

L. Cohen, Teachers. Stanza 12

Love
Babz

Really impressive, Laurie.
I'm still absorbing.
But definitely feeling the wounds...
I 'felt' a couple of bumps when reading but can't quite say them yet.
Thank you so, so much for letting this be in the world.
A case where, it did some harm, (gigantic understatement)
did some good. (art)

Babz

Ooops, I forgot

Title: Blue Desert

I, too, like this poem. Summer rays glazed the skin, don't need comma? And pulled for the sweet smell of sweat. This is the problematic line. 'pulled for' is idiomatic 'rooting for' it sounds like a line from a non-English speaker /And pulled out the sweet smell of sweat/ As the lone sailor laid, I ...

You're right Laurie.
I see the distinction you make.
Agree.

Babz

Laurie, I am so brain-addled. Here I say something utterly absurd and you graciously ignore the fact. :oops: I should never depend on my memory... not even for two lines in a poem. Let's see if I can get it right this time: But the pain shall and should always remain. Passing through that birthing c...

I like this Laurie. It has excellent sounds when read aloud and a compelling rhythm. Two thoughts come to mind: It's a thirty line poem. I would like a blank line after Line 15. I felt I needed a break at that point to absorb the horror. Line 25 'This' horror rather than 'the' horror would please me...

Sirwitty,
Please, please, please stop using "firstly."
Secondly, it's driving me crazy.
Astonishingly,
Babz

"A mannered style is like eccentric clothing: very few writers can carry it off, but one is enchanted by the rare exception that can." -W.H. Auden "Back in 1912, [Ezra] Pound wanted to alter the 400-year-old course of English poetry. Since the beginning of the Renaissance, English poe...

Thank you for the links.
They are greatly appreciated.
I look forward to many happy days of study.
Sincerely,
Babz

Amen

I love it Kush If it were'nt set in cyber-stone my one nit would be eliminating "insignificant and immense" Not only do they NOT trip off the tongue They needlessly echo 'man' and 'cosmos' from the previous line... like me need to be told man is insignificant and the cosmos immense. so I w...

The student has graduated!
Long live the student!
Add my best wishes to all the others, Tom
You have a brilliant future awaiting you.

Fondly,
Babz

Yes, Michael! Great job!
Now, where do we send the money?

Babz