Subway Crooks

[Joe Kaczmarek]

While sitting unarmed
save an old bag of books;
Side ways looks and subway crooks,
Exchanging rhyme about a dope crime.

A stick-up big, and more, he
was telling a story to his friend.
And when he got to the end
about killing, and taking, and
having his say, hey, he blew
a man away in broad day.

Okay, it was me he sat
down next to.
And still across from us his friend.
So why is it I who must lend
an ear to this man with his hand
on my levels of fear?

In vain, now, I try to explain:
"I have no money."
No money to give.
Hardly any to live-
Fact is, I didn't even pay for this ride.

He wants to know if its
rap music that I like.
In my western shirt, blue courderoys,
old bag of books, I must look like
a rook, but I say to the crook,
"You know, I guess it depends.
There's bad and theres good,
I've heard a lot of Dre."

And it was understood.

Then he spat me a rhyme
about killing, and hurting, and
doing no time.
He finished, looked over and said,
"Did you like it, was it good?"
I was nodding my head.

Opened my mouth just
to feed him a line, out came
I couldn't hear your lyric
but the rhythms were fine.

[lizzytysh]

Hi Joe ~

What comes to my mind is "New York State of Mind," though I guess I could go with Chicago, Atlanta, Detroit, or any other truly metropolitan area. You learn those survival skills, don't you?

~ Lizzy

I'm also aware that you were reminded [converse to Iubita's poem] of how life can be gone in a moment. I appreciated the tension in your presentation.

[tom.d.stiller]

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that book in your hand?

Excellently done, Joe. I liked this Subway piece very much. The accumulation of internal rhymes, and the rhymes apparently spread accidentally across the lines imitate the feel of Rap in a most convincing way.
In truth, of course, the rhymes are not accidentally spread, but they are effectively counterpointing the line (and verse) breaks, thereby underlining the juxtaposition of book life and crook life, of rhyme and crime, etc.

Tom

[Joe Kaczmarek]

tom.d.stiller-
Thank you. I really feel like you read it correctly.
I'm thinking about making it a rap song-
But, that may ruin it, we shall see.
I enjoyed sharing it with you.
Joe

p.s.
I was coming back from a bookstore where I had tried to
sell my books. They don't buy on Sundays. It was a rough week.
I hate it when it gets so bad that I have to sell books.

[Joe Kaczmarek]

Lizzy,
Big cities can be scary. I sometimes get a false sense of security when I'm surrounded by gobs of people-
But you're right on. Bad things can happen anytime, anywhere
to anybody.
Fortunately, so can good things.

There was some tension, for sure-
Even if it only existed in my own head.

I liked the contrast of Iubita's poem to the one I posted.
I thought that was appropriate.

Yosef P.

[lizzytysh]

What an understatement, Yosef! Anytime, anywhere, anyone.

Yes, I loved how Iubita turned the coin over. Right on, she is.

~ Lizzytysh

[Joe Kaczmarek]

You sound like Yoda-

[Iubita]

Hi Joe,
actually, I've wanted to put there your name before posting this poem...or the story from the subway... and to say: "Joe, this I am posting, because of yours beautiful poem...it can not be an answer, but it's something that has happened to me sometimes ago"...
it was written the day before Father's Day, but I didn't think I should post it here and when I've read your poem it's provoked me to do it...
thank you, Joe, for your very nice posting and for the courage...

Iubita

[lizzytysh]

Hi Joe ~

Who's Yoda?

[Joe Kaczmarek]

little green guy he his

I can't do it!

this is why you fail

[tom.d.stiller]

Just the Star Wars movies to remember you try...

The li'l green guy by the name of Yoda he went...