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okay still trying - should be done Christmas 2012

(revision 4 - December 28th - 2010, okay after 3 years I think I'm getting slightly closer to a completed poem - bawdy as it may be)

I’m praying, I’m on my knees praying
Down on my knees, head touching bed, praying
Hands clasped behind back
While your hand is sliding
I can feel my conversion is nearing

Revision 3 - August 12, 2009

I am praying,

. . I’m on my knees . . praying.

Down on my knees, head touching bed,

praying.

. . Hands safely . fastened
clasped
. . behind back

while

your hand
rolls over my hip,
. . and slides
. . . . . . . . down my belly.

My conversion is nearing.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Original posting less a line about tape

Lazariuk posted something a little nice here's something a little naughty.
Good to cover the Christmas bases.

I’m praying, I’m on my knees praying
Down on my knees, head touching bed, praying
Hands safely fastened behind my back
Now your hand is sliding down my belly
I can feel my conversion nearing

Cate wrote:
I’m praying, I’m on my knees praying
Down on my knees, head touching bed, praying
Hands safely fastened behind my back
With lovely won’t stick to your skin tape
Now your hand is sliding down my belly
I can feel my conversion nearing

lines 1 and 2 work
line 3 ok
line 4 deffo. no
line 5 ok
line 6 not bad at all


overall, promising but get rid of your "with lovely" bit because it really isn't.

michael
in the Festive Spirit and showing goodwill to all posters with his "lovely won't get under your skin type" comments.

Your right Michael, that line did not belong. Line 5 now line 4 is a bit shaky as well.
Thank you for your input, I appreciate it.

I liked this very much, and I just know that during the holidays when all the smiles and cheers are getting to be too much that I will think of it. I just hope it is not during the time when I am playing Santa.

Thank you Jack I'm glad you liked it, I wish you hadn't mentioned Santa though. I don't want to have naughty thoughts about Santa... ahhh to late... now i can't sit on his lap this year. Ohh, curses Jack!

mickey_one wrote:
overall, promising but get rid of your "with lovely" bit because it really isn't.

I'm very glad that Michael commented on the "with lovely" line, he was very right and I removed the line quickly. To be honest it made feel a bit exposed even though I don't know anyone here.
I just wanted to say it wasn't the tape that I thought was lovely. It was the well rehearsed sales pitch that came with it - won't stick to your skin - easy to get out of and my favourite - it even comes in pink. My husband has been my partner for 18 years, what is lovely to me is that he is still sometimes bashful and that I still blush.

I liked your lines too
can you not add some more/

Oh no , I was a bit rash when I posted this. I like it as it is now... but originally I went to far. I was a bit overly enthusiastic.

We are all a little rash at times.

theirs no confersation needed
happy christmas Cate

thank you Merry Christmas to you as well.

Im honoured that you
find my scribblings collectable