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no need to work no need to play
just whisper in your sleep and keep
the morning’s grey approach a secret
buried 'round me with the warmth
of naked breaths between the sheets

Manna wrote:no need to work no need to play
just whisper in your sleep and keep
the morning’s grey approach a secret
buried 'round me with the warmth
of naked breaths between the sheets

I think I am on my way to liking this. I will report back later.

I have and I like it. I love the rhyme pattern. look at lines 1 & 2 everyone, you thought it was going elsewhere, admit it. it's a loving little piece, thanks for posting it, M.

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for saying so.

I like it... but... like a lick of ice-cream on a summer's day... there's not enough to satisfy.

Jimmy

PS Note, please how I refrained from punctuating etc etc.... quite proud I am of myself.... but I'm itchin' to do it...

don't do it don't do it jimmy don't do it...

Manna wrote:no need to work no need to play
just whisper in your sleep and keep
the morning’s grey approach a secret
buried 'round me with the warmth
of naked breaths between the sheets

Michael,
I'm not sure I see a rhyming scheme here (other than sleep/keep) beyond the vowel rhymes of the ee words. Which Manna may/may not have intended - only she can answer that?
Nor do I understand where you suggest we all thought it was going after lines 1 & 2?
It reminds me a little, in a positive sense, of the passage between Romeo & Juliet as morning approaches
William

Ha ha. I wasn't sure what he was talking about with a rhyme scheme either.