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What song shall you sing, Nora,
now the summer is over, and love has gone into myth–
returned once again to the shadows
under the Austin sky
where the crickets weep outside your door?

In what song now
does your voice whisper in such grief–
songs about betrayal
as if the words could capture
a single weary tear, a single moment of your dying?

All too soon, frigid night descends,
the mourning doves take flight,
but for you and I, there will be no savage supplication,
only this, 'death will not make an end of us,
not tomorrow or today.'

Whatever attachments we made,
we made them not with death.
What remains to teach? A lock of your hair tied with lace.
I found it in a box in the kitchen drawer,
next to the sun and moon.

Mark A. Murphy wrote:What song shall you sing, Nora,
now the summer is gone, and love has gone into myth–
returned once again to the shadows
under the Austin sky
where the crickets weep outside your door?

In what song now
does your voice whisper in such grief–
songs about betrayal
as if the words could capture
a single weary tear, a single moment of your dying?

All too soon, frigid night descends,
the mourning doves take flight,
but for you and I, there will be no savage supplication,
only this, 'death will not make an end of us,
not tomorrow or today.'

Whatever attachments we made,
we made them not with death.
What remains to teach? A lock of your hair tied with lace.
I found it in a box in the kitchen drawer,
next to the sun and moon.

Hi Mark, your poem has distracted me from the important task of watching live the Chinese Grand Prix! This is classy writing which has a consistent period feel. There are some stand-out phrases. "Love has gone into myth" "mourning doves" in a line after "night" work for me, "savage supplication" I find a little clunky. What I would like your help about is the last verse. The finding of the lock of hair- I would prefer another word for "lock" which is rather obvious, "strands" would be better- but it's the lead-in that puzzles me. I don't understand "what remains to teach?". Finding the hair is not a lesson, is it? btw I have tried it many times and I marginally prefer to add "the" to moon. it runs a little better on the rhythm, "next to the sun and the moon". without "the" your last line is actually a bit abrupt which is not the right rhythm for this poem which has run gently and smoothly throughout.

michael

ps great photo of you at http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com ... 5.1.1M.jpg btw if that's not you and Nora then blame Google.

I liked the pace and control of this poem... and its reflective quality.

But, I must say, whenever I come acroos the images of "sun" and "moon", I tend to turn off the reading switch in my head. Sun and Moon are too too hackneyed. Your last verse is weakened by their use.
(The words sun and moon should be banned from poetry!!!!!)

Your last verse:

Whatever attachments we made,
we made them not with death.
What remains to teach? A lock of your hair tied with lace.
I found it in a box in the kitchen drawer,
next to the sun and moon.

Might I suggest either:

a)
...... A lock of your hair tied with lace.
I found it in a box in the kitchen drawer,
next to the myth and the shadow.

or b)

...... A lock of your hair tied with lace.
I found it in a box in the kitchen drawer,
next to your collection of Yeats.

a) repeats an idea/concept you raised in the first verse. Of course this may not work. Repeating may not add anything to the poem.

b) is what I tend to favour because you stay concrete as in "your hair tied with lace." which, I think is really good, and you continue the tone and mood, by ending with a concrete image that has an emotional weight for you, and/or the reader.... obviously I only use the Collected Work of Yeats as an example.
I think concrete images have more impact on the reader, especially if it has an emotional frisson, and association which leaves its taste savouring after you have finished reading it.

I enjoyed the read.

Jimmy

interesting take, Jimmy. I have a banned list for poetry headed, of course, by "soul". The automatic warning alarm went off when I saw "sun and moon" but the idea of opening a drawer where the sun and moon are closed away really works for me. In that context they are images of substance not the usual airy fairy poetic cliché at all.

I've tried reading it with "sun and moon".... and it still switches me off...
I'm afaid I'm stuck with my prejudices...
Wonder what Mark A. Murphy thinks...

Jimmy

Jimmy O'Connell wrote:I've tried reading it with "sun and moon".... and it still switches me off...
I'm afaid I'm stuck with my prejudices...
Wonder what Mark A. Murphy thinks...

Jimmy

yes, it's the only time I can remember, leaving aside classic poets perhaps, where I have read "sun and moon" and found it fine. stiill, it will be eternity plus before "soul" works unless it was something like "I'll rip your soul out and feed it to the monkeys"

I'll bypass other comments and simply ask what the lock or strands of her hair are doing in the kitchen drawer... where they would seem to me to have been rather carelessly slung, given the import of their relationship. I could understand and like "next to the myth and the shadow," but "your collection of Yeats"? A book of Yeats would be baffling enough, but a whole

collection

in a kitchen drawer. I thought pretty much everyone has one of those Miscellaneous drawers in their kitchens, but these items ~ relevant to their relationship ~ seem to pop out to me as having been inappropriately placed. Maybe, I could see the lock or strands, "still next to the shears that cut them"... at least one might imagine their having become distracted by other matters, with at least one of the items having ended up where it rightfully belonging.

Does "kitchen drawer" have a different connotation over there? Is a kitchen drawer actually equivalent to a kitchen cupboard or . . . ? Still, why not elsewhere in the house?

I also really like the overall conciseness and feeling of your piece, Mark.


~ Lizzy

computer error. the colection of Yeats was introduced by Jimmy as a possible. it was not in Mark's original.

Oh, yes, I know that, Michael. I was simply commenting on the alternatives offered. This is a big dang drawer... holds the sun, the moon, and a collection of Yeats .

At least with the sun and the moon outside where they belong, it's reasonable for a shadow to be cast into the drawer when opened [at whatever time of day], beside which the lock/strands [placed or slung there, mysteriously to me] could be found.


~ Lizzy

nope, keeping them all inthe kitchen is enlivening. keeping them in the bedroom is too distressing. anyway I will ask Jane the next time she comes by.

It may be too late by the time you see her. She may well have already retrieved her lock/strands, seeing how irreverently they were discarded into a kitchen drawer. They could have been lovingly placed inside one of those books of Yeats and placed on the bookshelf in the drawing room. At least, then, they would seem to have had some meaning, without being overly sentimental or distressed.


~ Lizzy

lizzytysh wrote: They could have been lovingly placed inside one of those books of Yeats and placed on the bookshelf in the drawing room.
~ Lizzy

inside one of those "books of Yeats" or inside a a "box of plates", hmmm, which is best? mine fits better with the kitchen

michael

A box of plates might cause the eaters some distress. Pulling a single strand from out of one's mouth, "Ewwwwwww... whose hair is this!?!"


~ Lizzy

Okay, Mark, sorry about all the forays of fantasy. How about coming across her lock/strands of hair left on the window sill, the sun now shining on it, as though your shared love was still alive.

Can we just get it out of the kitchen drawer. It's frightfully close to that book of matches.


~ Lizzy

I was being a bit absurdist in placing a selection of Yeats' poetry in a kitchen drawer, being outlandish, in an obvious way..... but.... Yeats can fit anywhere as far as I'm concerned.... and a few odd yokes are liable to turn up in an Irish kitchen drawer, that's for sure!!!

Pencils, screwdrivers, uhu glue, post-it notes, twine, sellotape, old baby soothers (way in the back), bottle openers, old discarded cork from wine botles, which would come in uselful... sometime... for something... shopping receipts, ESB bills, (so that's why the electricity was turned off!!!! Feck. I knew I left put that bill somewhere!!!!), little wads of fluff, blue, red and browny black (that probably would have been the many pairs of winter gloves hidden away, retrieved and lost on the bus on the way to dentist).... Oh yes, there are many things can be found in an Irish kitchen drawer, and I don't think I mentioned wasted cigarette lighters, that surely will work again if I just leave it to rest for a while... might come in handy to light a fire....

So, Mark A. Murphy, could take his pick, or his shovel... or a claw hammer I've just discovered...

Jimmy