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City Sleeps

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:04 am
by Sebby
City Sleeps

i.

shards of steepled glass
strewn across the tortured macadam
reflect the waking city,
with its manic glow,
urban diamonds in the dust
willing life into sleepless streets
through images not quite right.
See it all,
lean in and huff the living light,
before the swooning clouds
make quick work
of the disappearing mirror’s edge.

ii.

bus-stop awkward,
antsy heal-toe march
awaiting arrival–
girl in the blue
dress
waits,
purse slung shallow
over liquid shoulders,
hunched against the thick of wind
and lights,
the city’s dust catches
in her sucking lungs,
watching her wait–
the city sleeps, and I
long to touch her wilting curls
in the distance, a subterranean hum,
subway raises sleeping air
and on the street above
a blue skirt lifts,
waves, ecstatic,
and I know
we have connected,
and she–
girl in the blue
will remember
touching, waiting

iii.

the restaurant, but for us
is empty,
waiter shifts, leans into
time, waiting.
a laugh rises
from your chest,
lifts like a diamond–
the look on your face,
surprised, hand covers lips
and a ‘where did that come from’ titter.
street puddles,
a window pane away,
laugh with something other than sound,
the street lights purge their brightness
in these soaked pockets of time,
waiting for a morning sun
to evaporate them back
to air, to allow them
to rise above the city
and its dust-bowl dome.
your laughter lifts
of its own accord,
needs no sun to melt above
the living city, manic.
the rain will meet with laughter,
sometime after day-break
and wet–
we’ll be, tossing in our sleep,
remembering dreams
where elephants
brought us back
from the tortured brink.
and your laughter will
rain down upon us,
your waiting city.

Re: City Sleeps

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:41 am
by Manna
Image after image, and everything speaking. I loved how you brought the diamond back, and the puddles' way of laughing.

That line - a window pane away - I can't decide if I can let you quite get away with it. I know you're saying the puddles are on the other side of the window, sure, but it's weird and I don't quite get why you would word it this way. a window pane away. Hmm. (Somehow I'm thinking that if I type it myself then it will begin to work better for me.) I thought the line break of blue
dress

was pretty cool. You're very visual, and I like that.

Re: City Sleeps

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:55 am
by lizzytysh
This is very bizarre... is someone deleting my postings :shock: ?? How weird... I commented on this one earlier today, too... specifically this part, and a couple other comments conjoined, as well :shock: ... or, is my computer at work fibbing to me?? Sometimes, I do start into a posting and then not having time to finish it, X out and figure I'll come back to it later. Maybe that's what happened... but I definitely got this far and a bit further with this one.
a window pane away,
laugh with something other than sound
Anyway, I too really like this poem, Sebby and actually told you I did earlier in the day :shock: !

< * scratching head... * >


~ Lizzy

Re: City Sleeps

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:39 pm
by dangermouse
I thought the energy sagged.
I thought the piece too long.
Sorry

Re: City Sleeps

Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:27 pm
by Sebby
Thank you all for your comments. Thank you, Danger...gives me something to think about for the editing process.