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Elastic Boats
Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 6:43 pm
by Byron
Hydra’s Elastic Boats
Stretched to Kamini
Hydra’s elastic boats
Released to rush, bob and smack
Busily building
Recalled heartbeats
For our yesteryears.
Re: Elastic Boats
Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:41 pm
by KjeXXXer
That's actually pretty cool. I like the imagery.
Was any thought put into the arrangement or did you simply write it out the way it seemed natural?
Re: Elastic Boats
Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:55 pm
by Byron
The imagery is paramount and difficult to present as a literary pictorial framework. Twixt town and beach, the boats were an ever backdrop to the days. They were tied up at the quayside of each, and their release sent them scurrying to the other quayside. Only to come scurrying back half an hour later.
The way the waves played with the small boats left them at the mercy of the sea.
In years to come I shall continue to see those boats in my mind's eye.
I hope this goes some way to explain the basic platform I built the poem on.
Re: Elastic Boats
Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:27 pm
by KjeXXXer
It does that, in addition to clarifyinbg the last two lines, as I thought you meant that the boat's 'dance' made the narrater recall his past, as aposed to the actual case of the dance being logded within the narraters memory.
Still Good!
Re: Elastic Boats
Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:02 pm
by Byron
KjeXXXer wrote:It does that, in addition to clarifyinbg the last two lines, as I thought you meant that the boat's 'dance' made the narrater recall his past, as aposed to the actual case of the dance being logded within the narraters memory.
Still Good!
I think that I've been too influenced by Wordsworth in relation to the memory being a tool for presenting the 'now' as a feature of recall in the 'future,' for example his Daffodils poem, in which he recalls the daffodils in 'repose.'
Re: Elastic Boats
Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:15 am
by KjeXXXer
Sadly, I have no idea who Worldsworth is (beyond a writer who used the future reminiscence of the narrater to describe the now) , and wikipedia could not save me this time. But that's an interesting approach to poetry and storytelling in general. I'll have to give it a hurl once I've matured abit.
I also hope I used the term 'future reminiscence' correctly.
Re: Elastic Boats
Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:38 am
by Byron
Re: Elastic Boats
Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 1:38 am
by KjeXXXer
Ah. Pardon my grammar, I am Norwegian.
I was under the impression that this was some technique beyond my grasp, but it seems to be just writing in the past tence..?
I've always wondered why writers would arrange their verses like that, with a verse, then three spaces and a line, and then another verse (finishing off a sentance begun in the first)..