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Reprieve
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 6:02 am
by JiminyC
Reprieve
I wandered off the street
It was no place for a man
I fell upon your couch
Your little dog lapped at my ear
Tasting the poisoned lyric
I asked you for a glass of water
Hoping that it were wine
My spirit beat
Pulsing so low that I were mere mechanics
And you brushed my brow
With tenderness like I was
What you believed I once said I was
An energy sparked me then and there
And your cat jumped from mantelpiece
To my lap and purred in a comfort
I wish I knew
So I moved it on and took you to
Your dishevelled room
Where we shed our outer skins
To find that softness
Which might bring new life again
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 6:16 am
by lizzytysh
Hi Jiminy ~
And your cat jumped from mantelpiece
To my lap and purred in a comfort
I wish I knew
So I moved it on and took you to
Your dishevelled room
Where we shed our outer skins
To find that softness
Which might bring new life again
Cats are very intuitive. I like the way you've used this one to represent the comfort you wanted to find in a/this woman. There's something I like about "Your dishevelled room" ~ it brings a contrast with what both precedes and follows it. The comfort the cat feels in your lap is a smooth image and the softness you find beneath your outer skins is one as well. The interim transition of "your dishevelled room" seems to represent you, as well... the way you were feeling inside, in addition to what you saw... it also provides a strong sense of realness, with everything not being perfect here. The last three lines are increasingly tender and, for my reading, very nice.
~ Lizzy
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:03 pm
by JiminyC
Thank you for the kind words Lizzy. For me this is all about the female in the poem, her sacrifice to believe in the man she loves despite his inability to cope with life, and to show him love. Even her pets take on the role of carer, denoting him to almost complete hopelessness, that which he is obviously amidst in his own awareness; but the affection is possibly enough to bring new life.
I like your interpretation of the dishevelled room and I am glad you appreciated it, oh and happy belated birthday wishes. x
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:44 pm
by mat james
and purred in a comfort
I wish I knew
...you have caught the mood beautifully in this fluent poem J. C. and in particular, for me, the lines above
...such melancholy
the dark side of poetry that somehow soothes.
in appreciation, Matj
Re: Reprieve
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 5:16 pm
by Geoffrey
JiminyC wrote:
>So I . . . took you to your dishevelled room where we shed our outer skins to find that softness which might bring new life again
You had intercourse without a condom?
Re: Reprieve
Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:52 am
by Laura
Geoffrey wrote:JiminyC wrote:
>So I . . . took you to your dishevelled room where we shed our outer skins to find that softness which might bring new life again
You had intercourse without a condom?
Most concise analyse of a poem I have ever seen! Thank you, G. I got lost among your lines many times before; but this time you lead me out of a confusing line.
Laura
Re: Reprieve
Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:47 pm
by Geoffrey
Laura wrote:
>Most concise analyse of a poem I have ever seen! Thank you, G. I got lost among your lines many times before; but this time you lead me out of a confusing line.
Laura, look at any beauty spot through a magnifying glass and you'll see a giant wart. That's what I've done here. Before buying an apartment one should always peel away the wallpaper to see if the decorator hid some obscene drawings on the plaster underneath. Invisible mischief emits bad karma. However tastefully it is written, the fact is that he shagged it without a rubber.
Re: Reprieve
Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 6:24 pm
by Manna
Your little dog lapped at my ear
Tasting the poisoned lyric
I like this little part - as if the lyric you'd heard had tainted your ear. Clever.
I took outer skins to mean clothes - don't know what made ya'll think it was a greasy coat. Ah, but I enjoy the banter and the thought. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Hmm, now what is she talking about there?
Re: Reprieve
Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:23 am
by Laura
Geoffrey wrote:Before buying an apartment one should always peel away the wallpaper to see if the decorator hid some obscene drawings on the plaster underneath. Invisible mischief emits bad karma. However tastefully it is written, the fact is that he shagged it without a rubber.
Indeed, G. If we peel the romantic coating off love underneath is just about a horde of hormones swimming wild in our veins; if you peel the words off a poem, you'll eventually be left with the naked truth (or with a big void, depends of the case). And if we carefully peel down all the days we lived finally what's left is a lot of work, a thick blanket of greyness and the frail golden threads of a few good memories. So go on peeling, down to the bottom.
Laura
Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:49 am
by ~greg
What do you-all suppose "new skin for the old ceremony" means?
~~
It's times like this that I find reciting Bertrand Russell's
little prayer (quoted below,) softly to myself, to be
a really great comfort, paradoxically.
It invariably makes me giggle, and it
reminds me to do something else. (Anything else.)
Bertrand Russell wrote:in Mysticism and Logic
(W.W. Norton and Company, Inc.: New York, NY, 1929),
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
That Man is the product of causes which had no prevision of the end they
were achieving; that his origin, his growth, his hopes and fears, his loves
and his beliefs, are but the outcome of accidental collocations of atoms;
that no fire, no heroism, no intensity of thought and feeling, can preserve
an individual life beyond the grave; that all the labours of the ages, all
the devotion, all the inspiration, all the noonday brightness of human
genius, are destined to extinction in the vast death of the solar system,
and that the whole temple of Man's achievement must inevitably be buried
beneath the debris of a universe in ruins--all these things, if not quite
beyond dispute, are yet so nearly certain, that no philosophy which
rejects them can hope to stand. Only within the scaffolding of these
truths, only on the firm foundation of unyielding despair, can the soul's
habitation henceforth be safely built.
Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:17 am
by JiminyC
It was only after Manna's insight that I realised the outer skin Geoffrey was referring to; this would mean the main character wandered in off the street wearing nothing but a condom, in which case I'd have to change the second line to Which is no place for a man so dressed. They possibly made love and subsequently conceived or perhaps they just held each other in their naked state and found new life and new energy. I also just noticed - meticulous poet that I am - that there is no reference to the second characters sex, so my first reaction to this piece being all about the female is quite absurd. I always considered myself an absurdist though, but then one meets Geoffrey.
Thank you for the criticisms both positive and negative everyone.
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:12 am
by Manna
New Skin for the Old Ceremony is a reference to circumcision, at least, that's what I always thought. But I don't know if it applies here, to this poem. It would seem that would mean that the man went down the street wearing naught but his foreskin. And if this were then removed by someone, would that fella feel much like a boff?
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:46 am
by JiminyC
Probably.
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 4:08 pm
by lizzytysh
It's interesting to see where a wind-up can lead.
~ Lizzy