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at 10
Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 7:29 am
by Sandra
you´re coming at ten
I begin to be happy
completely tamed
the star in the sky
I´m beginning to be sad
but it is my friend
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:17 pm
by mat james
Haiku's are not meant to relate to each other, and these two seem to fit that norm. Each stands poignantly alone.
More "Solitude and lonliness"?
you are such a gem!
As I remember, Sandra, somewhere in a haiku there is meant to be a reference to a "season".
the star in the sky
I´m beginning to be sad
but it is my friend
For example, it could be something like;
the star in the sky
my winter sadness rising
but it is my friend
I'm impressed that a Spanish speaking person is writing a Japanese form of poetry, in English

Great stuff!
Matj
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 2:29 pm
by Sandra
mmm yes mat you are right and I appreciate very much the critic...thank you ! I did that too quicly.....
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 7:13 pm
by LaurieAK
Sandra~
The second Haiku was added later, right? (please say, yes)
This is too funny. When I first read the original piece, I read it as someone's age being, 10. Isn't that a hoot? I was thinking a child you were fond of was on the way...
10. A time. NOW, I get it
The only 'critical' comment I have is that there are two "the"(s) in the first line of haiku2. That could easily be reduced with a little tweaking and maybe be a way to add meaning to the piece.
Just my 2cents.
thanks for sharing,
Laurie
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 7:34 pm
by Sandra
.......yes Laurie, ...that is so funny!! thanks for your comment...
Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 1:49 am
by mat james
you´re coming at ten
I begin to be happy
completely tamed
Of course, the reference to a season can be oblique/indirect.
eg:
you'r coming at ten
I blossom to happiness
completely tamed
the only reference to a season being, "blossom" and therefore "spring".
Haiku's are fun!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:16 am
by Sandra
Oh..........I like that mat!! blossom.....