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My mother died yesterday. So this is for her.

Dear Mother


I woke to receive the call late last night
To tell me that finally you had given up the fight
So I sat there in silence with my companion of darkness
So surprised at my sorrow after a life long defiance
My legs they felt weak as my mind took a turn
My heart full of sorrow in my chest did so burn
And I wondered and wished as I blinked back the tears
Of all that I missed from you Mother, those years

Of times when you taught me of courage and love
Of fighting no matter what others thought of
The silent and gentle, the calm and the deep
Oh God how I wish all those things I could keep

But through life we did part for reasons you know
Things that damaged us both but were beyond our control
And I once proclaimed loudly I would not take any more
Yet now I just wish it was you at my door

So forgive me dear Mother and forgive yourself too
As your daughter I loved you though long overdue
They told me you called for me when no one was there
But I was really with you as I cried in despair

Are you there, I wonder? If it can be you are.
Should I gaze through the darkness and look for a star?
Will you be watching as always you promised to be?
Will you look down at me in such a way I can see?

Ah but life is what happens despite how we try
To plan and to promise each day till we die
Then all of a sudden the call will still come
Reminding us all what we couldn’t have done

You carried and fought and you pushed all away
As you finally succumbed to what God had to say
Yet He let you go on as you struggled to die
Was it you He was teaching or that girl in your eye?
Reach down from the heavens and I will reach high
In hopes that we touch if only with a brief sigh
For life still awaits me so I must move along
I’m told there’s no funeral but a party with song

So tell me am I welcome to join with them all
Or will I be left alone again like a child in the hall
Perhaps I will go back if only in blackened gown
And wander old haunts of mine in old London town

The leaves will be wet now and tossing on the ground
I can smell them as I picture Victoria Park way downtown
Some friends I will search for on some hidden boulevard
But all I might find is the quest is oh much too hard.

Sleep softly dear Mother for the rest you deserve
Remember as I sat with you last as I know that you heard
“I love you”, I said with huge tears in my eyes
And for once you did look at me knowing that was no lie

So good night and sleep tight as you always told me
Only now it’s for you and for all eternity
I love you. I miss you and will you ever know
How much you meant to me and now as I go

For all of the good that I am to this day
I owe to you Mother and no more will I say
It is done. It is over and I’m heading back home
With a wave as I turn to walk back there alone.

Sarah

Dear Sarah ~

Your words about your dear Mother and you have deeply moved me. Your poem is clearly inspired by your love for her, despite all that went between you throughout the years. The way your poem flowed out of you and covered so much space and time of your lives, both together and apart, reveals the depth of your love for her and how much you miss her and wish for one more time to tell her how much.

I am astonished that you have the wherewithal and presence of mind to be able to express your clear thoughts and feelings at this harsh time of deep loss. Your deep love, longing, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness come through in every line and word. Your poem is inspiration for those who are neglectful or angry with their parents to do what they can to mend their relationships while there's still time and they still have the chance.

May you go home and somehow enjoy the planned celebration of your mother's life, and may you find an old friend there with whom to share your feelings. I hope you'll carry with you a copy of your poem, if not to share it with the gathering of your mother's family, loved ones, and friends, to share it with at least one, other person who knows both of you.

Your final, two lines are seeringly lonely, gentle, poignant, and true.

Thank you for sharing your profound poem with us, Sarah.

I appreciate your trust in the continuing, positive connection with your Mother. Please accept my sorrow for your loss and thank you so much for your trust in this Forum to have come here the day after and shared your believably beautiful and poignant words of love and healing. We have only one Mother.




Love,
Elizabeth