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i wanted to share these poems with you as it would have been my sons 21st birthday this sunday.... it was written five years after his sudden and unexpected death

December 18th 1990

You should have been six today,
school-filled hours
lunch
packed in the turtle-box
(yoghurt inside)
your favourite flavour
strawberry - banana - blackurrant,
which?

You should have been six today,
through the railings
your peers -
lost in their child-worlds
superman - a robot - He man
who would you be this day,
who?

You should have been six today,
small sister
a twinkling star
in the nativity.
Others
angels - shepherds - kings.
Of these, which might you have been?
i wonder...........



and a poem by jan struther

on a child who died in autumn

this life was such a little thing
the first pale crocus of spring
began it, and the last late rose
fell in the autumn, in its close.
say then, all else being said,
"another flower is dead
who was such a sweet and small and dear
as any blossom of the year"
and say, he knew the sun but shall not know
grey skies, long rains, cold winds
or winter snow.

Philo, that is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you lost your beautiful baby. I understand well how you must have imagined him at school in all those everyday situations. I also read your poem about the deep despair that followed your loss, and then the one about the hope and brilliance of a new birth. It is wonderful that you were blessed with another child. I know you will always carry your son with you in your heart. Thanks for sharing your poems.

Love,

Diane

Philo, thank you for honoring your son by sharing these words with us. It is a testament to your love for him. May that love always be with you, pure and true. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Dear Philo,

I'm heartened you had the courage to post these poems. Opening out to the world is sometimes difficult; yet often cleansing. It's the imagining of what could have been that's most painful. I lost 3 siblings aged 17 to 30 and I never stop wondering how they might have been, how my life may have been, had they lived. Your son Ben would be 21 today - a young man. These crooked paths we all walk, each with our own secrets, own ways, own pains.

Be in peace today Philo

Boss

thank you both of you for your kind comments. i cannot imagine the pain you suffered losing siblings at such a late age - the torment you and your family experienced must have been/be agonising. all i can say is that i knew something positive had to come from his death and the death of our stillborn daughter five years later - i had to give their short lives meaning - for my sake as well as theirs, and thats what i endevoured to do. my life is richer for their being.