leonardcohenforum.com

(changed the subject title from 'poetry' to 'lyrics', because, thinking of it, that's what they are. they're not written to be poetry, they are songlyrics)

Hello, I'm in a band and write some lyrics as well. I hope you like them and think that they are not too teenage! haha (maybe some experts could give me some advice!) thankyou!

TALK ABOUT YOUR LIFE:

Can we be like two lovers
Walking round these ruins and factories
Or like the kids hanging round
Waiting for the night that brings our dreams

Oooh, so high, I've loved you from the day you came walking by
Oooh, just smile, I've loved you from the day you came into my life
Oooh, so high, I'd like to hear you talk about your life

Can we be like two lovers
In an old English love-song
Or lost in a crowded city
Feeling at home in this place we don't belong

Chorus repeat

Maybe I'll find somebody who
Feels just like the way I do
Waiting for a chance to leave this place...
Maybe I'll find somebody who
Looks just the way you do
Someone with a smile for everyone
Oh, let's be happy and be young
---------------------------------------------------------------------

And here's another one:

MY TRUE LOVE

My true love, watch all the people passing by
My true love, the love that sleeps won’t catch our eye
Don’t take so long, don’t take so long, I ask you
My true love

My true love, so now the winter lies behind us
My true love, it lasted so many, many years
A new day comes, a new day comes, just for you
My true love

My true love, so sweet to me
My true love, nice as can be
My true love, don’t wait another day
Oh, true love, put a smile on every face

My true love, let's build a house in the countryside
My true love, I know we must be on our way
The good time’s begun, good time’s begun, I need you
My true love

(posted it in the wrong poetry thread first, but here it belongs, thanks to the member who mentioned that to me!)

Ah. Love songs. Do you write the tunes as well? Or is that the job of another band member? It would be interesting to hear you play.

I am the bassplayer and usually the guitarist writes the tunes, but I sometimes do as well. Not for these two songs though...
We also haven't recorded these two.
Is there some advice you can give to a starting writer, maybe?
Anyway, thanks very much for replying to my topic!

I have never written a song lyric; the style is rather different in most cases to that of a poem. Therefore, I am not in a position to offer advice.

Very few song lyrics can be read as poetry. Leonard Cohen manages it in some of his lyrics

The only thing I do feel qualified to say is that although love is a very popular theme, it needs to be a little out of the 'common' run to be truly memorable.
The first of your lyrics falls somewhat into the 'out of the common' style, because you are not just being romantic but have your setting in a cityscape.
One thing I would have liked would have been if you had the girl speaking in there as well - making it a duet - showing it from HER side of the picture, responding to the guy.

It is clear in the lyric that the guy isn't really in love with the girl; he just fancies her, but knows she is not the girl he will end up with. But how does she feel? Is the guy a passing fancy for her as well? Does she echo his feelings in the verses? How does SHE feel?

Sheesh! I didn't mean to say all that!

Maybe someone else should comment on the second lyric!

thanks for your reply!!

Got a new one:

It's a bit about the persons who go out at night with the only purpose to get drunk and stoned
but also about some experiences I had while being on a music festival

THE SATELLITE TOWN

It feels so good as we're speeding in our car
Past closed shops, police-cars and neon lights
Going into town to check out the teenage boys and girls
With pills and liquids to kill the lonely night

Oh, let's sing in the streets
(Let's sing) about kicking trash and falling stars

Count your blessings
And do the best you can
Just be optimistic, just be optimistic
Remember the good times
Forget about the bad
Just be optimistic, just be optimistic

See the black-eyed boy chewing and chattering his teeth
While the world keeps spinning faster in our beautiful dance
We all drink ourselves senseless and when the party's over
The taxis drive the drunken kids safely home again

Oh, let's sing in the streets
(Let's sing) about kicking trash and falling stars

Count your blessings
And do the best you can
Just be optimistic, just be optimistic
Remember the good times
Forget about the bad
Just be optimistic, just be optimistic

We could go to the park
And lie in the grass
Or stand by the motorway
And watch the fast cars pass
Sink forever in our dream
And never go to sleep
Sink forever in this dream
Where friends and lovers meet...

Repeat Chorus