leonardcohenforum.com

Later: a Revision is below.

This is a quick write. I'll probably hate it in the morning. It came from a combination of feeling uneasy about the stance that Byron took in his fine poem about LC. I felt it leaned too much toward him being a victim. Something I suspect is not really part of the plan when a Buddhist, but I am just guessing. Then on a whim I stuck in my Ladies&Gents/LC dvd. Hence this fast write. You know it is pretty bad when there is so much preamble going on


Ladies & Gentlemen:
Mr. Leonard Cohen
Viewed By a Being from the Future

I watched you young refusing to sleep
in creamy shades of gray. Now,
forty years later, 71 candles
snuffed. Something resembling
a gift, knit by thieves shrouds
you now. A scarf whose threads
separate your heart from head
while the simplicity of empty
pockets dispels an aroma
twisting like smoke from wicks
of a freedom you wished for
long before blowing out the lights:
Long before you knew of fire at all.


Laurie in Alaska
goodnight

This is a quick reply.

You'll love your quick poem, like I do now, Laurie, when in the morning you feel the potential in it, and you'll feel the urge to work on it a bit to bring the full substance out.

No details in a quick reply. I don't want to direct your creativity in one direction or the other. It is too early for that, it won't be helpful now.

Thanks for sharing this.

tom

REVISED:

This comes from a personal, philosophical view of life and what it dishes out. Which is, we have to take the bad with the good, accepting it all with the same level of awareness that it all is for a purpose and that we agree on a level beyond insight for all that comes our way. I have the utmost sympathy/empathy for Leonard's troubles as of late, but refuse to demote him to victim status. I can't imagine he would ever see himself that way. So, with love....


"Ladies & Gentleman:
Mr. Leonard Cohen"
Viewed By a Being In the Future

I watched you young, refusing to sleep
in creamy shades of gray.
Now, forty odd years later, 71
candles flicker. Something
resembling a gift, knit by thieves
shrouds you now. A scarf whose threads
separate your heart from head
while the simplicity of empty
pockets dispels a scent twisting
like smoke from wicks
of a fate you, yourself wished for
long before blowing out the lights:
Long before you knew of fire at all.

Now, sit please dearest Leonard,
in this chair with a comfortable view.
Let woven threads around your neck
reveal themselves to you. Note those
specks of famous blue next to
anonymous white. Fragments of a
sweater lost are found again tonight.
Suits and ties and blankets
from your years so full of grace,
are tangled into a kaleidoscope
of yarns you spun from life, then
knitted by thieves who were hired
to choose this gift by you.


(edit: moved "then" up to 3rd to last line, diligently)

Something
resembling a gift, knit by thieves
shrouds you now.

Dear Laurie, these lines speak to me, as does the rest of the poem. It is so delicate in expressing ones life, thank you so much.

Dear Bee~

Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed. But, I would have been glad to hear 'bad stuff' too

Appreciate your read and comments.

Diligently,
Laurie

Dear Laurie

there are some phrases I really liked, especially in your revised version.

Such as "71 candles flicker" much better than candles snuffed.

and " this chair with a comfortable view"


and "suits and ties and blankets
from your years so full of grace,
are tangled into a kaleidoscope
of yarns you spun from life,......"

Nice poem. Thank you.

Margaret

Dear Margaret~

Such as "71 candles flicker" much better than candles snuffed.

You have a sharp eye!

I wrote much of part 2 in the middle of the night.
Then in the morning after re-reading part 1, I was pretty horrified about the word, "snuffed."

Thanks much for your read and taking the time to comment.
Glad you liked!

regards,
Laurie

Laurie ~

It's good to see you writing and posting a poem whose topic is Leonard; particularly one this effective. Whether or not another person agreed with your perspective, you did a fine job in representing the one you took.

~ Lizzytysh

Lizzy~

Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.

I appreciate your feedback very much.

regards,
Laurie