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Falling from heaven
Carried on winds
My sisters surround me

Mother moves on

Hues of my family
Cry of gulls
We scatter in chaos

To lands, seas and life

Who will receive Me?
Where will I fall?
Maid in a meadow?
Dry stone wall?

I come to give life
Wash away tears
Journeyman passing
Through millions of years

I like this... spiritual, desperate, (?) real ...like simple life.

I like this as well. I think it expresses an uncertainty many of us feel.


Who will receive me?
Where will I fall?
Maid in a meadow?
Dry stone wall?

Linda.

Great feedback, Linda ~ I agree with your selection and comment. I also like this poem, Byron.

I see this as a description of a soul that has passed through the bardo and is returning to earth to its next reincarnation. Was chatting with a poet friend yesterday and was commenting on how difficult I find it to write poetry. He told me (among other things) to describe. I likened it to creating a painting. Your poem is a great example of what we were talking about. thanks

I am delighted that people have been able to put their own interpretation on my 'umble offering.
I wrote it from the point of view of a 'raindrop.' 'Mother' is the cloud it was borne from. It has been through umpteen cycles of falling, onto heads, walls etc., before returning to the clouds once again. 'Hues,' are from the rainbows that water droplets create. 'Sisters,' are its fellow raindrops as they each fall to an unknown destiny.
We all fall towards our seperate destinies and I thought it would be kind to allow a raindrop to become a sentient being for a short time, in its never ending cycle of keeping the Earth and its creatures alive.
HTH

that is neato.

What a creative and successful way of focusing on a raindrop. Thanks for your explanation. It really does work in a number of ways .

I agree with Lizzy, although I suspect Lizzy saw a little something I may have missed. It's interesting how we read poetry. The poet writes and we interpret - not always coming up with the same results. The simplicity, the way you explained it, Byron, is really quite beautiful.

Linda.

Hi Byron~

Interesting concept. I did not equate what you were saying to Rain. I think an air of mystery is good, but when No bread crumbs are left for your readers to take the journey you are writing about in the body of your poem then there is too much room for missing out on the big picture. It is clear (as a sunny day) after your explanation, but certainly not before.

A title fitting of a raindrop theme would help steer your readers towards the subject matter you were intending. It would not proclude finding alterior readings, such as what came before your analogy/metaphor was revealed.

The only thing that stands out to me in the poem is the determination that raindrops are solely 'feminine' by the use of "sisters." 'Siblings' could clear that up, unless you do specifically want the rain of your poem to be strictly feminine.

Nice poem!

regards,
Laurie

Thanks laurie. I take your critical review to heart and will try and provide some sort of 'hint' in future attempts.
I kept the feminine theme, because clouds, rainbows, drops of rain are things (sorry about using the 'thing' word) which are soft on the eye and a joy to behold. (That is not a sarcastic dig at femininity) There is no way I could accept a cloud as being of male gender, likewise a rainbow. Each cloud brings the essential requirement of life. Sometimes it passes us by and sometimes it gives us drink and feeds our soil. And it is always unpredictable

Hullo Byron,

As I very carefully tried to explain to you once before, the word 'thing' is an empty word, it is there for you to fill up with whatever you wish to put in it. Also, if another word should, uh, lose it's way from your noggin to your tongue, 'thing' will do as a substitute. However, this practice should not be used more than once in any given paragraph. Twice, at most. Any more than that, then one is seriously playing with something... oh, right, fire.

And there you have it. A thing for all seasons and something for all your needs.

Regards,
Linda.

A umeebob is nothing without its thing!

Dear Byron,
If you were to sing this one, and you should, could it be with the chords of "Nights In White Satin"?
Andrew.

I hadn't noticed, but it would indeed follow the melody of "Knights in White Satin" if a person chose to make it so. You should leave an mp3 link of you singing, Byron. It would cure me of my curiousity at least. I'm sure you have a wonderful singing voice. Albert doing back-up, of course.

Linda.