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The end. A poem
Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2002 1:08 am
by LaurieAK
Been reading some rather morose stuff here this afternoon and it brought to mind this thing i wrote a few years ago. Enjoy, L.
The end.
Crushed black ice, fills my glass
Right before the fall.
And jagged walls that line the climb
Tear flesh as I slowly crawl.
When the net they throw is full of holes,
Send me freedom from this doom-
On a starless night bring a broken mirror
To reflect my last full moon.
Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2002 7:30 am
by Vesuvius
"Crushed black ice." Amazing. Do you perhaps have a companion poem. Entitled "The Beginning." ? It would make a great matched pair.
Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2002 4:03 pm
by lizzytysh
Dear Laura,
I'm glad you were prompted to share your poem. Really fine imagery and use of it. Your "crushed black ice" really struck me, too. You've obviously emerged from this space in time. It would be interesting to read something from your awakening.
~Lizzytysh
Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2002 5:47 pm
by KRTEK
KRTEK LOVES IT
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2002 3:03 am
by Vesuvius
This interesting thing about this poem, is that you chose to say "broken mirror". Someone less talented would have been content with just writing "bring a mirror...". What a difference one word makes.
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2002 4:36 am
by lizzytysh
"What a difference one word makes".....yes
, just ask Leonard.
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2002 5:54 am
by Vesuvius
That brought a chuckle to my lips.
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2002 7:40 am
by LaurieAK
I am embarassed as hell to see the word "talent" used here. At best i feel i get lucky! Thanks so much for your feedback. Ever since reading Vesuvius' remark about a "Beginning" poem, i have been pondering its possibilities. There is no 'counterpart' to this (End) poem, but i did eek out a "Beginning" poem. Lizzytsh, i will have to dig up a more lighthearted (awakening) thing. Thanks again for your comments, Laurie
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2002 4:49 pm
by lizzytysh
Go ahead and do another, Laurie....we'll no doubt enjoy it
....however, Awakening was synonymous with Beginning when I used it, and you did very well with Vesuvius's suggestion.
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2002 10:44 pm
by LaurieAK
Oh okay, Lizzytysh i can see they are the same. I was thinking a wash of something more lighthearted was what you were referring to. (wouldn't blame ya) regards, Laurie
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2002 11:16 pm
by lizzytysh
Oh no.....I love the drama. You can go lighthearted if you like, but no need on my account.
Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2002 8:41 am
by Vesuvius
Yes, take Lizzytysh's advice and go ahead and do another. Don't worry over any "talent or no/talent" approval by others. Continue to give us poem to enjoy.