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restatement
Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:42 pm
by tom.d.stiller
restatement
attempting to restate the gift of silence
i'm falling in love with verbosity again.
but is it silence to shut up?
it is not silence to be mute.
the wind
while undressing the linden
caresses the leaves and my ears
and there's silence.
the sea
powerfully shifting
giant waves to my shores
creates silence.
tranquillity is a minor gift.
the art of silence
brushes thick black lines of sound on virgin paper,
violates its calm, destroys
all tokens of still purity
and then
with one more stroke of the master's brush
silence slips in.
Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:50 pm
by lizzytysh
This is soooo you, Tom. I love it. I'll let everyone else tell you why.
Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:34 pm
by SWITZ
'Tom
You write fearlessly from the heart....
Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:23 pm
by LaurieAK
tom~
I just post about no redemption and find a redemptive poem. Balance thrives.
the wind
while undressing the linden
Wowza. I love this line. The visual, the internal echo of wINd and lINden.
I like the comtemplative ambiance. The need for the narrator to explain that there is 'silence' to be found within sounds.
the art of silence
brushes thick black lines of sound on virgin paper,
violates its calm, destroys
all tokens of still purity
and then
with one more stroke of the master's brush
silence slips in.
Here the metaphor of silence is broken, them redeemed again by someone skillful enough to fix such a thing.
Lovely read.
regards,
L
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 8:58 pm
by Sandra
this is beautiful tom!
Re: restatement
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 9:19 pm
by Critic2
tom.d.stiller wrote:restatement
attempting to restate the gift of silence
i'm falling in love with verbosity again.
but is it silence to shut up?
it is not silence to be mute.
the wind
while undressing the linden
caresses the leaves and my ears
and there's silence.
the sea
powerfully shifting
giant waves to my shores
creates silence.
tranquillity is a minor gift.
the art of silence
brushes thick black lines of sound on virgin paper,
violates its calm, destroys
all tokens of still purity
and then
with one more stroke of the master's brush
silence slips in.
this is pretty good, Tom. My one substantial reservation is your use of "shut up". I feel the same as your use elsewhere of "hole" and "poke". They are jarring words that bring down the tone of the writing. I have a theory about your choice of such expressions. pm me for explanation!
thanks for posting.
Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 4:52 pm
by lizzytysh
[Tom ~ Did you PM? What'd he say?]
Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:28 pm
by Critic2
lizzytysh wrote:[Tom ~ Did you PM? What'd he say?]
he gave me the go-ahead
I went ahead
he hasn't responded
yet..
Re: restatement
Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:18 am
by tom.d.stiller
Critic2 wrote:My one substantial reservation is your use of "shut up".
You're right about "shut up". I doesn't belong there anymore. The whole line will probably disappear in a revised version.
Elsewheres will be replied to elsewhere.
Cheers
tom
Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 3:21 pm
by tom.d.stiller
Dear all,
It took me some time before I came up with a revised version of this, but better late than never.
Cheers
tom
restatement
attempting to restate the gift of silence
i learn to love verbosity again.
the wind
while undressing the linden
caresses the leaves and my ears
and there's silence.
the sea
powerfully shifting
giant waves to my shores
creates silence.
tranquillity is a minor gift.
the art of silence
brushes thick black lines of sound on virgin paper,
violates its calm, destroys
all tokens of still purity,
and then
with one more stroke of the master's brush
silence slips in.
Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 7:09 am
by linda_lakeside
Tom,
Yes. I think this is a lovely poem.
Linda.