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Missing In Action

Slept till after noon. Past breakfast,
past cartoons, past the twins soccer
game. Too much beer drunk at the
poker game. Damned that Bob and
his three queens! No bikes for the
boys this month. Thanks, Bob. I'll
be sure to tell them, "'Uncle Bob' has
your bike money, boys. Go ask him."
That'll shut em up. Drove home drunker
than I should. My wife will find my last
brewsky tipping in the Caravan's cup holder
on her way to the game. Dammit if I almost
didn't make it home. Thank god for fumes!
Shit, I can still smell the grilled cheese I
burnt last night. Never could get the yellow
mess out of the burner. And damn!
scorched formica stinks too. My fucking
hand still hurts from grabbing the handle
of the flaming pan. It's her fault.
Who the hell would want to eat that plate
full of crap she preserved under plastic wrap
anyways? Looked like dog food. So I
put it down for Grover. Ten minutes later
he re-deposited it on the living room
carpet. Hope the boys didn't track
through it before my wife had a chance
to clean it up before leaving.


cheers,
Laurie

Here are some quick thoughts




Sleep till after noon. Past breakfast,
past cartoons, past the twins’ soccer

Added ‘ after twins

game. Too much beer drunk at the
poker game. Damn that Bob and

changed damned to damn


his three queens! No bikes for the
boys this month. Thanks, Bob. I'll
be sure to tell them, "'Uncle Bob' has
your bike money, boys. Go ask him."
That'll shut ‘em up. Drove home drunker

changed em to ‘em
than I should. My wife will find my last

my old lady’s gonna find my last

brewsky tipping in the Caravan's cup holder
on her way to the game. Dammit if I almost

too many damn damns, try Hell (shit and fuck coming soon)

didn't make it home. Thank god for fumes!
Shit, I can still smell the grilled cheese I
burnt last night. Never could get the yellow
mess out of the burner. And damn!

off the burner

scorched formica stinks too. My fuckin’

fuckin’ better than fucking here


hand still hurts from grabbing the handle

fingers still hurt- better than hand and handle

of that flaming pan. It's her fault.
Who the hell would want to eat that plate
full of crap she preserved under plastic wrap

preserved is too posh for this story, try trapped

anyways? Looked like dog food. So I
put it down for Grover. Ten minutes later
he re-deposited it on the living room

re-deposited no good. Shared better, why not “he’s a sharing kinda dog and spread it on the carpet as a thank you”

Hope the boys didn't track
through it before my dear wife had a chance
to clean it up before leaving.

Added dear even if I’m not exactly sure of the relationship, instinctively feel this irony might work. Btw is this a leaving for the evening or a leaving leaving goodbye thingy?

One more comment- not certain the prose works, want to turn it into a story or use verses more like a Tom Waits type song


Regards

C2



Sleep till after noon. Past breakfast,
past cartoons, past the twins’ soccer
game. Too much beer drunk at the
poker game. Damn that Bob and
his three queens! No bikes for the
boys this month. Thanks, Bob. I'll
be sure to tell them, "'Uncle Bob' has
your bike money, boys. Go ask him."
That'll shut ‘em up. Drove home drunker
my old lady’s gonna find my last
brewsky tipping in the Caravan's cup holder
on her way to the game. Hell, if I almost
didn't make it home. Thank god for fumes!
Shit, I can still smell the grilled cheese I
burnt last night. Never could get the yellow
mess off the burner. And damn!
scorched formica stinks too. My fuckin’
fingers still hurt from grabbing the handle
of that flaming pan. It's her fault.
Who the hell would want to eat that plate
full of crap she trapped under plastic wrap
anyways? Looked like dog food. So I
put it down for Grover. He’s a sharing kinda dog and
spread it on the carpet as a thank-you
Hope the boys didn't track
through it before my dear wife had a chance
to clean it up before leaving.



the orange may not be easy to read but it's chosen because the Bees are black and amber!

Hey Michael~

Thanks for stopping and critting my poem. I agree with almost all your suggestions.

I like 'fucking' better than 'fuckin.' But I do understand why you thought it was better. Forcing that "g" in there (in my my mind) adds just a little more emphasis to the word, draaaws it out a bit more.

I should explain what is going on with piece. It doesn't justify my typos or questionable choices, but it explains them, sort of.....

I am doing a poemaday throughout April. It was a suggestion on a really decent poetry site i found a while back. There is a bunch of folks on the site doing the same. This was #10. From this piece's conception to finish in electric ink, about 20 minutes passed. Doing a poem every day and settling into major 'edit mode' is not a happening deal.

I am not intentionally sharing sloppy crap. That would be indecent.

Back to your crit. Good call on 'hand/handle. Fingers is much better. Echoes the 'f' in fuck, too as a bonus!

Added dear even if I’m not exactly sure of the relationship, instinctively feel this irony might work. Btw is this a leaving for the evening or a leaving leaving goodbye thingy?

Sorry dude, 'dear' is not working for me This character wouldn't come up with that adjective.
As for LEAVING. I questioned this myself after writing this piece. It literally fell out onto my paper. My first Real character intensive piece, too. So i questioned the definition of 'leaving' and sort of liked the ambiguity of it.

Is is obnoxious?

regards,
L

Could we have pizza tomorrow, please?

Linda.

LaurieAK wrote:Hey Michael~

Thanks for stopping and critting my poem. I agree with almost all your suggestions.

I like 'fucking' better than 'fuckin.' But I do understand why you thought it was better. Forcing that "g" in there (in my my mind) adds just a little more emphasis to the word, draaaws it out a bit more.

I should explain what is going on with piece. It doesn't justify my typos or questionable choices, but it explains them, sort of.....

I am doing a poemaday throughout April. It was a suggestion on a really decent poetry site i found a while back. There is a bunch of folks on the site doing the same. This was #10. From this piece's conception to finish in electric ink, about 20 minutes passed. Doing a poem every day and settling into major 'edit mode' is not a happening deal.

I am not intentionally sharing sloppy crap. That would be indecent.

Back to your crit. Good call on 'hand/handle. Fingers is much better. Echoes the 'f' in fuck, too as a bonus!

Added dear even if I’m not exactly sure of the relationship, instinctively feel this irony might work. Btw is this a leaving for the evening or a leaving leaving goodbye thingy?

Sorry dude, 'dear' is not working for me This character wouldn't come up with that adjective.
As for LEAVING. I questioned this myself after writing this piece. It literally fell out onto my paper. My first Real character intensive piece, too. So i questioned the definition of 'leaving' and sort of liked the ambiguity of it.

Is is obnoxious?

regards,
L

still haven't got the feel of it enough to know if it is obnoxious! but what a great idea this poemaday gig is. I am stuck on a murderaday and one poem a year.

yours was pretty damn good for the time constraints, well done!

I actually have the first line of a poem so sometime over the next month it should find some decent friends to follow it


seeeeeya


mikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

linda_lakeside wrote:Could we have pizza tomorrow, please?

Linda.

Dear Madam, we are not running a take-away here. Your culinary desires are of absolutely no interest to me. This debate concerns whether you prefer fucking to fuckin'.

Do try and stay on topic please


regards

C2

ps is that thin cruct or thick crust, any extra anchovies?

Laurie I really like this. Is this piece of prose called a poem? I am not sure what guidelines apply to poetry - and I mean that as a serious question what consitutes poetry.

Anyway I really like it the imaging is really good.

Paula, I couldn't agree more! All these secret 'rules' concerning the writing of a few lines ... ??? A murder a day is probably easier.

Linda.

Thin crust, extra anchovies and the guy in Laurie's poem would say 'fuckin', not 'fucking'. IMHO.

Linda.

Laurie? You said this poem 'literally' fell out onto your paper. I ask you, please, how do I get a poem to 'literally' fall out onto my paper? It would be a hell of a lot easier than actually writing one.

Linda.

linda_lakeside wrote:Thin crust, extra anchovies and the guy in Laurie's poem would say 'fuckin', not 'fucking'. IMHO.

Linda.

that will be $5.75 please.

of course he would say "fuckin'", and that blunder is why I can never ever ever ever ever speak to Laurie again.

michael

ps I can't speak to Laurie again as she thinks her guy would say fucking not fuckin'. oh, Linda, she is so wrong but what can we do? I know, let's not speak to Laurie again. not ever, never, never, never.

We won't! Never, ever, ever again!! We'll make her eat the left-over anchovies as well.

Linda.

Could we have pizza tomorrow, please?

Linda.

NO!

Mikee wrote:

I am stuck on a murderaday and one poem a year.

yours was pretty damn good for the time constraints, well done!

I actually have the first line of a poem so sometime over the next month it should find some decent friends to follow it

* Killing. It is a lousy job, but someone's gotta do it.

* Thanks for the compliment. I think I'll frame it

* A first line is way better than a first word. Letting them stew in brain cells is usually the best cooking method (serve with parsley on the side).


Mikee wrote:

This debate concerns whether you prefer fucking to fuckin'.
Do try and stay on topic please

Wait....This pizza idea....I'm starting to like it. I say let's have pizza And fuckin/g.

Paula wrote:

Laurie I really like this. Is this piece of prose called a poem? I am not sure what guidelines apply to poetry - and I mean that as a serious question what consitutes poetry.

Anyway I really like it the imaging is really good.

Thanks Paula. Glad you enjoyed.
You are right. It is very prosaic. You're asking the wrong person about guidlines for poetry. I only write the stuff (haha).
Seriously, this piece is sort of straddling the line. Poetry should be saying alot more than the space it takes up implies. Hope this helps.

A murder a day is probably easier.

Linda.

Yes. That Mikee has the BEST job! (although a bit messy)

Thin crust, extra anchovies and the guy in Laurie's poem would say 'fuckin', not 'fucking'. IMHO.

Linda.

Come over Here and say that, Linda.

Laurie? You said this poem 'literally' fell out onto your paper. I ask you, please, how do I get a poem to 'literally' fall out onto my paper? It would be a hell of a lot easier than actually writing one.

Linda.

When something comes so hard and fast (keep your minds outta the gutter kids!) it feels like it fell out.
I got the title when talking to my dog. She is my muse. (haha) Anyways, I thought of a weekend that was 'lacking in action' and likened it to the familiar phrase 'mia.' I wrote down the title and thought the poem was going to be about an extremely lazy weekend. The poem thought different and this fell out. Can't explain it. At least that is what those voices in my head tell me. Shhh.

L

I find this interesting. You do not view the writing of poetry as the equivalent to a 6th grade science project. It is not a tortuous task, you are actively on the lookout for ideas, lines, words, thought, etc.? You don't say, "I'll think I'll sit down and write me a poem".? I'm not going to ask the stupid "where do your ideas come from" question, but 'it' is there, you're just waiting for the muse to drop in? I'm just thumbing through my poetry comic book, here. Poetry 101 sounds an awfully long way away.

Oh, yeah! Great post! Ha! That's funny!

Linda.

Linda~

One can't question these things too deeply. I think there is an element of practice involved. The word 'quirkly' comes to mind if i had to describe my squint at things when getting into the zone.

I enjoy the process, alot.

L