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Thank you John for this post, but I would need a time to think about it. It is very interesting though, brings back many memories.

Dear John ~

You know, John, if I had taken the time and the effort ~ having 'gotten past the pain' of a humiliating, childhood experience ~ to seek someone out and write them at this point in my life, only to receive a crass response like you did, I would've needed to process it somewhere, too. Reading this reminds me, immensely, of Leonard's song "To A Teacher" and, in particular, that graphic phrase, "the slap of a wet red tongue."

I wondered if, after all these years, he's remained so entrenched in teacher mode that, unlike you, he did not mature with the years. To think of correcting someone's grammar in such an exchange says so much about him. I feel, even so, John, to say to you how sorry I am that he managed such a brief, yet cruel, response. Many people, it seems, just have no idea the impact that thoughtless words can have on others. It seems to me that even though this did not cause the same kind or intensity of pain that you originally suffered as a result of "the slap of [his] wet red tongue, it triggered at some buried level, that pain from so many years ago. Hence, the length and [necessary] detail of your posting.

This posting of yours should be published in some teacher's, professional magazine.....the State Board[s] of education and teacher's unions, etc. print and circulate them to the various schools ~ and they go into either the teacher's boxes, or are read in the teacher's lounges. It could also be used as a discussion topic at an ongoing, educational seminar ~ many are now required to take classes to keep their certification. Both my parents were school teachers, and through the years I've seen EX-students of theirs contact them to thank them. Never, and I mean NEVER, would there ever have been a response of this nature. The one thing it certainly did, however, was underscore that it was not a personal thing with you.

If teachers only knew how large, good and bad, they loom in student's eyes. I'm so sorry that you were the brunt of the cruelty of someone, who holds way too strong an inclination for doing damage, in a system that's supposed to gird children up and give them the confidence to go into a large, strange world and make it on their own.

"Hurt once and for all into silence.
A long pain ending without a song to prove it."

Love,
Elizabeth

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This story has a chilling resemblance to Roger Water's/Pink Floyd's, The Wall- The Best Days of Our Lives=>Another Brick In The Wall.

John your story brings to mind incidents of humiliation and brutality from my school days from both teachers and fellow sudents. I think what emerges is a recognition of how powerless I/we were at the time of such bullying incidents and how the shame or the anger retreats to its dark little corner hoping for or awaiting the day of vengeance. Of course with the passing of years and maturity we may come to see the pathos and the sad, corrupt weakness of the individuals that act out these behaviours. One may then almost feel sorry for these characters for their own inner life must be at best miserable or at worst a living hell. How then, can one maintain a sense of desiring vengeance when they are probably being punished internally by themselves on a regular basis?
To cite a couple of cliches. 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me.' & 'The pen is mightier than the sword.'
For sure, death or physical disability is an undesirable state to be in but I think the power of words (spoken or written) is underestimated in its capacity for psychological and or emotional damage- sometimes permanent. I think that some of the internet forum users who engage in endless spats, could well pause to think of the damage they may be doing to themselves and others by the thoughtless and insensitive savaging that passes as mere entertainment for the participants. Some of the bickering that goes on here is such a waste of the potential for dialogue/communication/understanding that this electronic world wide linkup could achieve. I digress.
Sufficient to say that the psych scars we carry can be of greater influence on our attitudes and behaviour than we might generally realise in our daily state of waking consciousness. I do know that as a working teacher I can be quite severe or insistently comprehensive when dealing with bullys in the classroom or the schoolyard. Probably because of my own past experiences I do not let them get away with it and I am most sympathetic to the victims. I also need to be on guard, not to be drawn into bullying tactics myself when dealing with such difficult incidents.

Regards, Witty.

Hi John-

Well, i was going to say something quite like Witty's first paragraph...about the teacher ulitmately being a pathetic creature of his own making...Witty said it better than i ever could.

Then i was going to play devil's advocate and i still will...

What in your now adult, successfull life is encouraging you to hang onto this pain? What purpose can it/does it serve?

I don't mean to sound cold. What happened was awful and life altering. But once we grow and know better, it is us who torture 'us' with these things. The words have been out of that bastard's mouth for decades now. I hope you can find reason to let them go and quit allowing them to pain you.

regards,
Laurie

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I reckon that most real Teachers don't take up the profession. And there are very few (professional) teachers who deserve to be called Teachers. But there are some. I'll tell about a bad one, though...

I remember a literature teacher who unsuccessfully had tried to be an actor. He knew, of course, the basic techniques of the trade, he knew how to modulate his voice, he knew when to raise, when to speak softly... He prided himself of knowing every pupil that ever crossed his path by name.

When once I tried to discuss "A Midsummernight's Dream" with him he evaded all material discussion by greeting every single person by name. I think he knew the play be heart without ever understanding.

This "teacher" was able to destroy; he was able to reproduce. But he wasn't able to kindle the fire of curiosity. He was - a bad teacher, just one among millions. But his way of destrying was extremely powerful, because he knew how to mudulate his voice...

This man's destructiveness wasn't arbitrary, but premeditated: "If I didn't make it, no on else should."

Poor soul. Have mercy on hjm.

Cheers
tom

PS: I never learned from teachers; I learnt in spite of them...

Some people respond very well to negative comments it challenges them to prove to the person who criticises that not only can they do the exercise but they can improve on it.

I personally think it does not one any favours to be told constantly that their work is good when it patently isn't. It does not encourage improvement.

A good teacher should be able to temper negative with positive.

Tom- that's a classic "I'm Ok, you're not Ok" attitude.

John- that was crap for a teacher to behave that way.

Friends Reunited has made me realise what scars some still carry after so many years. I recently went to a reunion of my junior school. we are all over 50 now and left that place when we were 11. I hadn't ever taken in how hated a particular teacher was, what a sadisitic shit he was and how that deeply affected more than one classmate.

I have "amused" my kids more than once with the story of how he threw a metal ruler at a boy sitting behind me, and when by accident it hit me and split my head open and the blood really poured down, he kindly advised me "don't make a fuss, boy".

It was shocking to find an old class-mate still hadn't got over the teacher after all this time. So, mega sympathy but I am unclear. Have you gone on to tell your sadist the story? You would feel so much better to get "completion" that way.

Dear Mr W

I write this letter belatedly to thank you for your thoughtful advice to me some 30 years ago. I was sitting in French Class, when you passed by and commented that my writing was "simply awful" and you reassured me that I could "never be a successful writer".

This was such clever teaching , well done!! By acting like an uncaring sadistic bully, you were obviously trying to inspire me to prove you wrong. I appreciate the way you sacrificed your ego. Just to help me you were willing to gain a reputation as a thoughtless and nasty fool.

I know you will be delighted to hear how well I have done in my career, no small thanks to you!

yours most sincerely

John K

John the guy was an arsehole he was then he is now. But he left a strong memory on you. I would be interested to know did this experience inspire or deplete you? I don't mean in the days afterwards but long term.

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John K. wrote:C2, that is simply wonderful!!! No, I have not yet responded to his snide email. If he looks my email address up on Google/Yahoo or the like it will show who I am, I doubt he has bothered. I wrote yesterday morning out of curiousity, and I've been at a bit of a loss as to what and how to say anything more.

I take it that I have your permission to borrow as desired, especially the attitude. I've been wondering what to say and your angle is all too perfect.
John

pleasure.

just thought of a good closing line, continuing the same ambivalence (but really just sarcasm) add "you must be very proud of your action when you look back and reflect"

I cant help commenting your story about a teacher. I am myself a teacher and I have seen many painful things between teachers and students. Not so many years ago I worked in a small school where the children were beaten by the headmistress (is that the name?) with a ruler in their ass in front of the whole class humiliating them in this way when they did something wrong, and on the other hand the parents sometimes ask the teacher to beat and physically punish the children in schools like that (because that is the way they treat them, and they are accustomed to obey like that) I have had problems in that schools because when treating them well they act very bad, I mean they "ask to be punished" and do not respect teachers that are "soft" with them......then this is a cultural problem too.
But in general teachers commit the same mistakes all over the world may be when they act as if they are the owners of the "truth"

Dear John and Laurie ~

I enter from a different slant than you do on this, Laurie. I don't see the 'offense' as being many years ago, but as late as yesterday, in the response that was sent to someone, who [unbeknownst to 'teacher'] was willing to reconnect at this late a date, from a mature [and healing] perspective. Yet, that effort was rebuffed, via a grammatical correction made to a reaching-out e-mail! As triggers do, it refreshed all of the original pain.

During a rather 'down' point in my life, I wrote the English Comp instructor I had in my freshman and sophomore years of college, someone who believed in me [granted the scenarios diverge with that point]. I sent a stamped, self-addressed envelope with my letter, hoping to facilitate an answer. I received a beautiful, handwritten letter, in response, that was sent very pointedly in an envelope of her own, addressed in her own writing. She specifically commented that it was not at all necessary for me to have done that, in order to obtain a response. I still have her letter.

As nothing was stated as to why John was writing this person, yet there was an air of tentativeness in his e-mail, for all the 'teacher' knew, this former student could have been depressed and reaching out for connection, perhaps even been a student who left his classes still admiring him. The thoughtless answer that was sent back, red pencil in hand, was enough to squash any desire for continued communication, regardless of any original relationship.

People really never know upon whom they may be having a lifelong effect, positive or negative. We carry these old wounds and when we finally have the wherewithal to take them out and look at them, so some new, healing air can get to them, the most destructive thing we can receive in that process is another jab of the sword.

I hope between Critic2's suggestion, and the feedback you've gotten from everyone, including Laurie's devil's advocate questioning, that you can jockey it all about for consideration, and put this in its proper place in your consciousness. I am so glad you proved this jerk wrong, but what's so sad is that you shouldn't have had to.

My respect to you, John,
Elizabeth