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Poem #7

Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 3:03 am
by Joe Way
Winter's Discontent

Striding through the snow
confident of her reply
steps springing
eyes glistening
lips parted in a half-smile


Startled-- her answer
disbelieving, how could it be
hopes dashed by one
word --- no.
Never


Running all the way
cold air piercing his lungs
and frozen heart
the cruel knowledge
that each flake was different
and he would always be the same

Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 7:21 pm
by Critic2
kudos for the last two lines! I think you could take time and build a better poem backwards from that fine ending.

Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:15 am
by tom.d.stiller
Critic2 wrote:kudos for the last two lines! I think you could take time and build a better poem backwards from that fine ending.
I agree. The final "couplet" is the highlight. "The cruel knowledge" barely escapes cliché, but together with the last two lines it succeeds...

Tom