leonardcohenforum.com

WINTER: A Bifocal


I

Snow pillows lounge where tall pines allow.
And my creek's whispers echo from everywhere
beneath a zigzag of ventriloquist sloping banks.
Drooling below glass ceilings of ice
it slurps around slalom curves and dives
over icicle falls, spawning to the sea.
Reuniting with the tides, the shores and
clouds you may have seen.

II

These windows frame bushy groves of crimson
capillaries where blueberries once grew.
Flamboyant as red fingernails and
skeletal stiff, the twiggy maze
wears salt white snow. A dash at first,
then mounds of cotton-ball blooms
cling to the garnet red branches, till
winter winds or wayfaring birds
shake them naked; bright as blood still,
until Spring-when tiny pink buds hug countless bees
and dream of being blue. And when noon burns hot
through the highest pines, and green becomes too much,
I'll recall the solace of red and the quiet of white
that winter promises to bring again.

Again, I found this very appealing because of the clarity of the language. This poet has "shown" the scene not simply told us about it.

There is some language that I find a bit stilted like "ventriloquest sloping banks" and some of the "s" sounds seem overdone, but this is a very promising piece that I really enjoyed reading.

Good luck with this.

Joe

Hmmm, Almost got this right....needs a bit more tweaking.

"...burns hot" is redundant, just "burns" will suffice.

And i agree with Joe, the sibilant creek-speak is a bit overdone. Although, i will admit, much like a snake if a creek were to speak it would sssertainly ssspeak ssssuch as thisssss.

Nice try!

L

Another of the more appealing poems for me. The imagery and colourful descriptions put me in the place described. I can hear and see the things being shown to the reader. The language is not so clear or simple but that keeps me re-reading to appreciate the full meaning conveyed by the writer. The bifocal arrangement gives one verse to the sense of hearing and one to the sense of sight. This did not become apparent to me until after subsequent readings. And finishing with a remark that commends the quiet and meditative environment that gives space for contemplation.

Cheers, Witty.

Hi Witty-

A very wise owl you are

I wish i were clever enough to have thought of the sight/sound thing, but it was all the poem's idea.

Also, like i stated before, my imagination being quite poor, it is a literal vision of my backyard.

Thanks for your reading, understanding and comments. You really GOT IT-it doesn't get better than that for a writer.

regards,
L