Scientists say 'Hallelujah' threshold may have been reached
Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2013 1:35 am
Scientists Say World's 'Hallelujah' Threshold May Have Been Reached
(TVN-Antwerp) A panel of the world's leading aural scientists today concluded a week-long series of meetings with the announcement that the world may be dangerously close to it's natural threshold of 'Hallelujah' covers. Panel spokesperson Gutte Wenger said that after studying the issue for the last three years, "there is now a consensus among scientists that the atmosphere cannot take more than an average of 325,000 additional Hallelujah covers in any given year."
Wenger and his group now believe that there should be a moratorium on Hallelujah youtube videos by any person under the age of 25 and that the British government should step in to stop the proliferation of what he calls "vocally dramatic" versions of the song "by those who have no idea what the song is about." It is believed Britain's yearly unofficial contest to produce the best 'Hallelujah' has led to scores of young people inundating the world with too many versions. Some scientists believe the aural atmosphere may be absorbing as much as a thousand bad versions a day from England alone. Wenger's colleague, Marc Detrouille, a well-respected Canadian aurologist who specializes in atmospheric damage, concurs, "The teenagers want fame and profit but they simply do not know the possible damage they could be doing."
The scientists believe, however, that the problem also lies with the attitudes of even famous and well-respected singers. Wenger says, "It's as if they've never heard any other Cohen song," while shaking his head as he showed reporters dozens of pages of Cohen's song lyrics from which singers could choose and "possibly save the aural atmosphere for future generations." Wenger himself often wears a t shirt with the group's motto, "Even One Avalanche Could Save The World."
The meetings were sponsored by the United Nations Aural Intervention Project, which funds programs around the world for greater diversity of choice among listeners, which, it is hoped, will lead to a lower ratio of 'Hallelujah videos' compared to other Cohen songs. Detrouille's dream is for future children "to live in a world where the 'Hallelujah' ratio is not just reduced but manageable." Studies show that the 'Hallelujah' cover ratio is currently at a dangerous 1,355278 to 1 compared to any other Cohen song. "You don't even want to know the current ipod ratio" cautions Wenger. It is thought that the extremely high 'Hallelujah' ipod ratio is a major contributor to version overload as new listeners move forward.
