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Unrequited Love
Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2002 11:48 am
by vern.silver
Code: Select all
Unrequited Love
written into posterity
grief forgiven
written into prosperity
looking aged
crumpled
covered in the must of regret
covered in the rust
kisses leave
unrequited angst
unquieted
the plain
brown paper bagged
anonymous
delivery
the heartless
trustless
restless
need
for touching
the slivers it leaves
Unrequited Love
Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2002 5:15 am
by Joe Way
Hi Vern,
Very nice poem. I thought the closeness of the words and subtle meaning changes brought a complexity to the poem that helped enhance the meaning and atmosphere. One question though about using "leaves" again in the last line-was that meant to echo. I wonder if another word choice would have more impact.
Keep posting-all the best.
Joe
Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2002 7:32 am
by Joe Way
Also, one other question-was the "sliver"-"Silver" intentional-must have been-how could I even ask?!!
Glad to see you didn't feel fractioned the last time we spoke.
Joe
Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2002 8:57 am
by vern.silver
Hi Joe,
Thanks for the comments. As far as 'leaves' is concerned, I'm open to suggestions. As the line is, I think it works well. The line is meant not only to stand alone ie that unrequited love leaves slivers of loss in our emotions, but also in conjunction with the lines that come before it. The need to touch these wounds; either to try to dig them out, or to enjoy/wallow in the sorrow they bring to us. Thus this poem even being written!
Vern
Re: Unrequited Love
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:46 am
by iveta
the fractions are great
the great fractionist robert creeley was such a wise poet
...when he died I though poetry has lost all its poignant bleeding fractions, glad it is not so