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Date Rape, 1981

I.
For a long time I forgot my dream of wired-shut jaws.
A steely cock like scalpel, clipped the stitches,
Tong probing tissues. An asp between the scars.
My mouth would draw the poison.
Let the sore.

But not this night. Nor the nights just past.
It is half my life since the Russian blessed the match ~
Said, “Listen to the fire speak.
We do not have much time.”
So I made my mouth a pot for him.
A chalice lip seared back by kiln.
A flue in winter’s toss.

Shall I tell him the snow lost my secret ~
Mummed, clotted after,
I went under and within the freeze, and ground my teeth
For months beyond, forgot to eat ~
“Not meant to chew,” the Russian mused,
“Only to give pleasure.”

Shall I tell him, then, for years after
I dressed in man’s trousers, and even liked to strap one on.
How I often thought of him ~
Eyes reflecting balled-girl fists.
I made him limp. Flush. Excuse himself.
Forget to zip his pants.
Now it all comes crawling back.

Funny, but I think I see, very nearly
To the end of it.

II.
Peter, it’s been fifteen years of fences.
(You never broke her in.)
She’s wild, this one. Like you left her.
Bent on bucking. Spooks like rattlers under brush.
You’d be wise to bring your bit, your rein, your tether choke.
A sucker for the little boy who wants to mount.
An apple, when she’s tame enough to take it
Whole.

Best your man-hand grooms her rough.
Fisted yanks. Frequent spurs.
She’ll like it that she cannot throw you off.
Clumps of mane you’ll swear that she could do without.
Come. Finish what you meant to start.

Mouth for fruit. Not for biting down.

Hillary Hays
1996

One of the things that comes to mind when I read this is the film, "Night Porter." Have you ever seen it, Hillary?

The rawness, truth, and images of this holds the promise of catharsis for some who have been through what you have, Hillary. At the University of Florida, there is an on-campus, annual 'art show' for survivors of rape, incest, and domestic violence; all of the art and writing submitted by those who have suffered, endured, and survived. This is so deserving of display in such a healing arena.

I am amazed by how your life experiences have made it to the page, with such solely-you uniqueness. The words are there for you, as willing servants. They're loyal to your cause. They conjure and illuminate, at your will. Controlled and circumspect seething. You make fierce statements with true intention. You're an incredibly strong woman, Hillary.

Sincerely,
Lizzy