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POEM #15

Magnus Opus

I have lost my soul
the whole of my soul
in this hole
of an hotel
it’s hell
although it has a lovely bell
where is the Love?
ooh, I’ve dropped my glove
I must make a start
to repairing my heart
I can walk
and I can talk
I hope I never stalk!!!
I’m feeling down today
won’t you come and play
hey hey hey
Boo Hoo Mr Doo
I'm colored blue
I love you


POEM #18

"Untitled"

Lie with me in this seedy hotel
let the world pass by the broken windows.

Here’s the test of our love
no silk sheets
no room service
no comforts to turn your eyes away from mine
as I search for certainty.

Will we ever again have reservations
in this seedy hotel ?


POEM #19
Lucky Thirteen

On the thirteenth floor
I made love to a small, drugged, whore
To the sounds of Leonard Cohen
The rooms were dirty and brown
No majesty in this new town
And the river was glutted down

Through drugs we had sex
She had placed on me a hex
In the elevator, we often shared, late at night
She desired a man called Kriss
I gave her a passonite kiss
Come to my room, everything is allright

She was more famous than me
At least my soul was more free
As she gave me tea and oranges, in the room
Twilight and gloom, fusions and I did assume
To be her broken sparrow and groom
The rest is spoken history and concert, cigarette fumes


POEM #21

Seed of Life

In later years
I have stayed
in the seediest hotels
where ladies have clung to me
out of respect
for my age
and loved me
without disclosing
who they really think I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Comments:

Poem #15: Total rot!

Poem #18: I like the idea of this poem. Is the seediness a result or a test of this encounter? It leaves a bit too much to ponder, for me.

Poem #19: Very, very seedy. I'm not too fond of the forced rhymes, but do like the story of this poem and its seedy atmosphere.

Poem #21: I really like this poem. It is the most Cohen-esque of all submitted. It reminds me very much of Leonard's poem, "Because."

After Laurie sent me her Winners list, and asked for any comments, I didn't try to dissuade her, but these were the whole of my original comments:

"The only one that truly struck me as the cream rising to the top [but there are still some questionable, mitigating factors with my assessment on that ] was #21. It seemed to be a poem that addressed the seedy hotel concept from Leonard's perspective, with the same kind of genteel approach that Leonard would use at this point in his life, if he were to stay in one. With him being the one who originally said [years ago] that he gravitates to seedy hotels, I thought it was a very concise poem that was inclusive of all the relevant factors from a Leonard-theme perspective."

To its author, I responded [to the effect] that they [he/she] are certainly a quick study of Leonard's essence and style.

These are my additional comments now. I wouldn't have been at all surprized had Laurie selected this one as the Grand Prize Winner, simply for that fact. The truth is that I could imagine Leonard [or other famous men] seeking that anonymity; and what I like so much about the last line is that it injects a question as to whether they really didn't know, or knew and pretended otherwise [the conspiratorial, unspoken agreement]. The poem itself is very Leonardesque.

However, the objectivity of my judgement could be called into question on that [even by/with me!], which is why I struggled with whether to comment to Laurie at all; and to be absolutely certain of how [and why] I felt about this poem before I said anything at all, to anyone. When all's said and done, however, it remains how I feel. I like its 'clean lines' and simplicity, with a message that spans decades.

Oh yeah, this one. I had an exchange with Liz this morning (i chose winning poems order last night) when she mentioned #21 sounded Cohen-like. I said, i had scribbled in pencil "cohen-esque" when i first read it and that it reminded a bit much of Leonard's "Because."

Okay, btwn this and #15, i can't imagine another specific poem exchange we could have had.

In fact, i really haven't heard from Liz what she really thinks of my winning order....put aside that Swiss neutrality and let me know whatcha think, Ms. Liz... Publicly please!! I don't want anymore rumors of conspiracy, Ken Starr, etc

L

Hi Laurie ~

Overall, I approved, Laurie. I also am a sucker for wordplay, so when I was going through the VivaVinyl [a couldn't-possibly-be-more-current and 'thematic' ~ albeit in a different arena ~ wordplay from its very first word] poem [and the main character's coming from the "right side" of the tracks ~ but this is about a seedy hotel and here he is still living in the swankiest areas], it was a Eureka/paradigm shift/epiphany moment of laughter for me when I got to its final line. There was no way I was going to try to argue you out of that choice, as by the time I first finished it, I thought, "Now here's a clear winner [of some sort!]." I knew we were going to have at least one in the Winner's Circle. Like Charles, I was wondering if the second of the Grand shouldn't have had a little bit of hope in it. It was ironic when you used the same word, and lauded it for lacking it .

The Cohenesque one was the only one I felt compelled to specifically comment on to you. It dealt with issues of acceptance and rejection [anticipated, imagined and real] that come with age, as well as fame ~ and addressed it all with such simplicity and elegance. You're right that it bore strong similarities to "Because Of." It wasn't appropriate for me to comment on anything related to my own poem, in any form or fashion, for obvious reasons.

I feel you had a monumental task in judging these poems. I really appreciated that you put your comments attached to each. That was very instructive for me, as unlike the norm here, this was a group of poems centering around one basic idea [albeit an idea that spiraled away several times]. I feel that you've justified your choices very creditably [what an awkward word to say] ~ and show clearly through your comments how seriously you took your role as Judge. I really appreciate that! I think your Judgeship would be handily re-elected.

So, this is a public thank you to you, Laurie. You came through despite feeling truly ill. You have experience in these arenas. People still want to know what you thought of their poem[!], and I appreciate your willingness to make the individual comments you have. If anyone says it would have been any easier for them to judge, and be fair in their choosing and designations, then I really don't feel they've, mentally, fully put themselves in your place. I'm so glad I wasn't the one who had to judge ~ and that you only asked me for any comments after your decisions were made!

I know that we had more winners than one might reasonably expect. However, there is no purse attached to this, no scholarships, no sales, no subsidies. The recognition of one's efforts and results of those efforts is what this was all about. It was fun to select a theme, and watch people just go for it, staying in the spirit of things. Even Martine got hers completed in time !

Thanks, Laurie! As it turned out, Ken Starr did show up at the door, but lacked proper ID. I wasn't about to let on that I recognized him, so just told him he'd have to be on his way. He went off in a bit of a huff.

~ Lizzy

Poem 21 was ok but, on reflection, a little too easy to write as a copy of Loenard's style. It's good but not very original.

Yes, it is, indeed, Leonard's style. I wish I could have thought to have written something with that fingerprint.

I don't know whose poem # 21 is, but I agree with C2 in this matter.
It both struck a cord with me and, at the same time, seemed too close to "plagiarizing" LC.. If, however, I had never read anything that Leonard ever wrote, this would undoubtedly have been in my top 3.

~Taigaku