leonardcohenforum.com

she walks so fine
yes she draws the line
in the sand
where you bow to her sympathy
the fire is lit and
you take a hit
as you wait
with desire for her company
and like a child or a woman
she is there for you
and like a pro
she will lead you to release
and like a fool
you will hate what she does for you
it's just the nature of the beast

well he walks so fine
yeah he tows the line
can't be moved by some pride
or some dignity
yes he's got the touch
and you won't matter much
as he climbs to the power
that he wants to be
he raises arms
to his causes and to god above
he never listens
to the teachings of the priests
and like a child
he will never ever get enough
it's just the nature of the beast

well the stage is set
it's either right or left
getting lost
we divide among the spirit kings
one says find a way
one says it's here today
one says follow me
i'll show you all you need to see
and like a child we are led
and then led some more
never questioning
or looking for disease
and like a fool we will suffer
and still want some more
it's just the nature of the beast

well you left me here
now you're nowhere near
as i ponder
this condition of humanity
yeah you gave your faith
to this broken thief
as i tried to steal away
all your fantasies
and now i'm sorry
that i questioned all the hopes you shared
but you know,
well, you've never been deceased
still there's something
in the love that you found in there
but it's just the nature of the beast

this is pretty awful but could just about be salvaged and turned into some dreadful 70's pretentious pop song.

some of the very worst lines are

and like a child we are led
and then led some more
never questioning
or looking for disease

were you trying to draw a contrast with that common human condition of children who regularly search for disease?



well you left me here
now you're nowhere near

aaaahhhhhhhhh lazy lazy rhyme



that i questioned all the hopes you shared
but you know,
well, you've never been deceased

has she really never been deceased before, not even once before? Oh, surely she must have been deceased from time to time. Perhaps on alternate Wednesdays she has been at least a little bit deceased?

blah blah blah

"blah blah blah" writes rick, obsessed with identity, emotionally unequipped to deal with writing on its merits, or crticism on its merits.

regards

Critic2

"you've never been deceased"
© rick

"emotionally unequipped to deal with writing on its merits, or crticism on its merits"

nice try. i happen to have attained a modest amount of critical and commercial success, as well as failure. it's in these posts somewhere, my name, address, all of it. i'm not hiding from anything and not afraid to put it out there. yet, you know me enough to make personal judgements based on nothing more than my being bored by your incessant blah's. this was expected.

what's next? blah blah blah?

it's your apparent inability to deal with criticism of your writing. maybe there is an explanation of your "deceased" or "disease" lines. but you won't share because you are scared of what Makeera calls "the true".

who cares about your sucess and failure elsewhere. what a whimp that you can't respond to this comment on your writing.


you can bluster and insult as much as you wish. but you write some lines upon which I commented. you can't deal with it.

I look forward to your entry to the anonymous posting contest. or is that also too scary for you?

Well, rick, I really like it!

But, of course, I only ever like 'the True' ones.


~ Makera

yet more "blah blah blah"

"blah"
© Critic2

Thank you Makera!

"well, I really like it" says Makeera.

No surprise there then..

What did you make of these lines about which rik is scared to deal

"but you know,
well, you've never been deceased"

woops, why am I asking you? You can't cope with consideration of the actual writing either.

Ain't that the True (©Makeera)

and even more "blah blah blah"

"blah"
©Critic2

hi Rick, I see you are still scared of dealing with the actual writing.


"that i questioned all the hopes you shared
but you know,
well, you've never been deceased"

these lines of yours are clearly brilliant. if only I was also blessed with an explanation of what they mean, my happiness would be complete.

and I know that my happiness is a priority for you that's why you keep returning to entertain me.

anyway, Makeera says it's the True (©) that she really likes it.

"blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bla blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"

©Critic2

rick, this is an improvement on your usual writing. well done!

actually that shares the same title with a twisted sister song from the "stay hungry" album. good cheese metal song. but i am not putting down rick here on his poem--just thought i'd let you all know.