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how humble myself


I cry in the rain
And I dewed in the sun
the rivers of quietness
The stars of the swirling sky

I exist in the mind first
the stranger in my house
and the dance of organs
give the non-labelled throne
I realize that the glory
his first steps
the tossing sea
crosses
banks of the meek
and I'm strong like an eagle
swimming in a lake
how far we
the highest resistance
the holy throne
my boat from the strong side
myself
I'm proud of the life meaning
Your character always
I ask you to send
as a flag of nullity
that evil word in each sentence
you hear from me

quaileyedsnowfish wrote:how humble myself


I cry in the rain
And I dewed in the sun
the rivers of quietness
The stars of the swirling sky

I exist in the mind first
the stranger in my house
and the dance of organs
give the non-labelled throne
I realize that the glory
his first steps
the tossing sea
crosses
banks of the meek
and I'm strong like an eagle
swimming in a lake
how far we
the highest resistance
the holy throne
my boat from the strong side
myself
I'm proud of the life meaning
Your character always
I ask you to send
as a flag of nullity
that evil word in each sentence
you hear from me

Hi quaileye.. it's nice to see you back here.

Now, I don't know if I can nullify all evil, but I could flag you for indecent exposure. Of course, I believe we've had that conversation. [oh, and I see you remain unrepentant]

Speaking of [and it's the zinger that has me posting this commentary at all, in fact]: now, it seems you have some, uh, "business" competition in and amid these parts. Yes, I did note a poster [whose name escapes me] who's sporting some very serious cleavage. She even quotes Leonard's "crack" material.. (probably unconsciously realizing how it is that very deep cleavage surely must be at least one of his intended "meanings")*..

* note: I'm here referring to Leonard's "there is a crack in everything" line, as opposed to the "give me crack and anal sex" line [given the context, I thought to mitigate the inevitable confusion]

.. so.. just thought I'd give you a head's up on that one. I mean, I'm sure the winter months especially must be pretty difficult for you gals. I mean, I imagine your johns, while devoted 'n all (I'm sure), sometimes just think to themselves: ya' know what??.. fuck it. I'm staying inside. So.. I do realize what you must be up against these cold winter months.. oh, and now with this competition roaming about.. well.. what can I say?.. Let's just hope she stays out of this back section of the forum, where I'm sure you get the most action. [stands to reason, I think]

and the dance of organs
give the non-labelled throne

.. back on your poem [though I'm tempted to say "your back"]: your "dance of organs" line, I couldn't help but notice.. but then, we're "back" on the same subject. Actually, you're probably needing to hallucinate this now [this particular "dance of organs," I mean].. I mean, now that you're so short on johns. Oh, and that you're down to "non-labels" doesn't surprise me either. I mean, it's all part 'n parcel of the same problem, isn't it??.. Well, I'll let you in on a little trade secret: visible labels have been tres passe for quite some time now. So -- if and when you decide to wear clothing -- just buy stuff that looks somewhat sophisticated, and that doesn't sport a label, and you'll have beaten those high-end fashion bastards at their own game. [good luck with that] [oh, and I'm looking forward to seeing you in clothes]

his first steps
the tossing sea
crosses
banks of the meek
and I'm strong like an eagle
swimming in a lake
how far we
the highest resistance
the holy throne
my boat from the strong side
myself

As per the above passage.. I'm feeling an almost Christ-like thing happening, though, as a helpful notation, I'd suggest to you that eagles don't swim. I mean, I'm not any kind of a zoologist or anything, but I think I can safely point out this little bit of Animal Kingdom lore. [pretty sure]

Well.. other than that -- oh, I might add the word 'of' in there: my boat from the strong side of myself.. It's just a little pet peeve of mine: this annoying thing called "basic grammar skills." [hone them]

Alright, q.e., keep up the good work.. and it's nice to see you can at least vent your work frustration into something as [potentially] edifying as poetry writing. I mean, considering what else you might venture into. I wouldn't worry too too much about the competition ["work" wise, I mean.. as surely there's no literary competition in and amid these parts].. Still, that you'd have that sort of competition at all [I mean, at this prestigious literary site] I thought worth "flagging."

Okay, well.. let me know when you're ready for me to start editing your chapbook. [oh, and in case you're not familiar with the term, that's not your little black book of johns]

Yours in the writing trade,
Ms. V.


.. actually.. I hope you're not too embarrassed by this or anything, but I came across one of your old films.. just thought I'd share this with others here who may not be aware of the fact that once upon a time you also had substantial dreams.. [other than posting lousy poems at this lousy poetry site] [where already you're facing not just stiff competition, but probably wide-spread competition, as well] [or is that the same thing?]..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T96rYSgF ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

much later edits: I'm scrounging around for something, and came back here, alas, only to find some itty bitty things to tidy.