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Hello everyone, I have written a new piece and would be grateful for any feedback

The Warm Cusp of Your Heart


I do not know where the edge of your soul lies
and what permission you have granted me
to wander through


I do not know where the line of your lips
speaks a Darling yes
or an angry no

There you are before me
with twinkling eyes
but folded arms
and here I stand
on the Warm Cusp of Your Heart








Sharon

"In the dark days
When words jump from window ledges
Scraped from pavements
Too dead to use"

Hi Sharon . I know someone with the nickname 'Horse' so I wont call you that.

I love your poem -the title and the final line suggest that even though you encounter 'folded arms'you still feel the warm cusp of their heart.
Shhhhhhhhhhh(how does Violet do that small writing)
I reckon the edge ot their soul is the start of yours

lonndubh wrote:Hi Sharon . I know someone with the nickname 'Horse' so I wont call you that.

I love your poem -the title and the final line suggest that even though you encounter 'folded arms'you still feel the warm cusp of their heart.
Shhhhhhhhhhh(how does Violet do that small writing)
I reckon the edge ot their soul is the start of yours

thank you very much for your feedback, Lonndubh. I am quite happy with this poem because when I read it it gives me a warm feeling!

Sharon

"In the dark days
When words jumped from window ledges
Scraped from pavements
Too dead to use"

I realise that I have a mis- spelling in my post there .Sorry .
It should read "I reckon the edge of their soul is the start of yours"

Horse of Babylon wrote:I am quite happy with this poem because when I read it it gives me a warm feeling

Its wonderful to capture in words a feeling or emotion which when re-read egnites the flame again

lonndubh wrote:I realise that I have a mis- spelling in my post there .Sorry .
It should read "I reckon the edge of their soul is the start of yours"

Horse of Babylon wrote:I am quite happy with this poem because when I read it it gives me a warm feeling

Its wonderful to capture in words a feeling or emotion which when re-read egnites the flame again

I simply love your word "egnite", it makes me think of one being overboiled, madly bubbling water, and launching out of the pot and landing on the ceiling!

Horse of Babylon wrote:
>I simply love your word "egnite"

makes me think of eggnog
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eggnog

I only like eggnog a couple of times a year - it's very thick, although a bit better if rum is mixed in.

Horse of Babylon wrote:
I do not know where the edge of your soul lies
and what permission you have granted me
to wander through

I'm not sure about the use of the word soul as it makes me think of shoes ... or dinner, but I very much like the idea here ... "and what permission you have granted me to wander through" it very much captures the feeling of unknowing and in embarking on something new.