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Sunday Times
Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:57 pm
by Cate
Sunday Times
He wants to know if loves still out there
and asks for any news from the front,
as he’s behind the Times
. . . reading the current divorce stats.
I tell him the war is over. Love
has been declared a biochemical
response to tactile stimulation.
It was simply part of the propaganda
procreation machine; neurons
captured during the heat of the night.
Of course this is just a ruse
designed to cover up the fact that I’ve
once again scraped my heart
and can’t seem to find the right size band-aid.
(sp)
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 3:46 am
by Boss
This is an outstanding poem, Cate.
In essence, love is all we have; but
sometimes I wonder, these scrapes,
these bruises... We may put it in to
neat categories, sterilise it; but ah
these scrapes, these bruises - there
are no bandaids.
Thanks,
Adam
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:00 am
by lonndubh
Cate wrote:once again scraped my heart
and can’t seem to find the right size band-aid.
Oh your poor heart Cate.
But maybe like a flu you now have immunity .Ha Ha
Love is the great empty-outer
that does not exist outside ourselves
But for all that this is a beautiful world
Keep going where Love takes you Cate
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 5:15 pm
by Cate
Hi Adam and thank you! it's nice to see you here.
I was glad to see that you are out of the floods way.
lonndubh wrote:
But maybe like a flu you now have immunity .Ha Ha

I like that - perhaps there's a vaccine.
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:11 am
by Horse of Babylon
Hello Cate I enjoyed your poem very much. I would like to have seen some more verses as the sense of despair was building up well.
Sharon
"In the dark days
When words jump from window ledges
Scraped from pavements
Too dead to use"
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:16 am
by lonndubh
Horse of Babylon wrote:I would like to have seen some more verses as the sense of despair was building up well.
do you think so Sharon ?
I love the suspense between 'he wants to know 'and her 'scraped heart '
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:22 pm
by mat james
...on scrapings of the heart
Wishing to stem
the flow inside his blood-vessel
that liver’d the clot
in her brain;
ruptured by desire
a small colorless disc-
shaped particle spun
to coagulant
working together
her
protein and plasma
and play-platelet
did
what a band-aid
could never do.
Mat.
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 7:55 pm
by lizzytysh
Hi Mat ~
I feel like I've ended up in an anatomy class
I'm thinking, Cate, that the band-aid of correct size that you seek is forever an elusive one and that scar tissue may be its replacement... though, as luck would have it, scars come in all configurations of smoothness, lumpiness, brightness, darkness, fadedness, and in different widths and depths.
Your new avatar, Cate, is visually rich in colour and content with nutrients. I like it a lot.
~ Lizzy
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:51 pm
by Horse of Babylon
Hello again Cate. I already said that I like your poem but I wonder if you would mind me trying to find an alternative last line. I find band-aids a terribly unpoetic word
Sharon
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:06 pm
by Horse of Babylon
Hello Cate, this is what I have written. In the last verse I removed the band aid and substituted a simple 1231 pattern with simple words.
kind regards
Sharon
He wonders if love's still there
asks for news from the front,
as he’s behind the Times
. . . reading the divorce stats.
I tell him the war is over.
Love has been declared!
A biochemical response
to a touching stimulation.
It's simply part of the propaganda
procreation machine; neurons
captured during the heat of the night.
Of course this is just a rouse
to disguise that I have
once again scraped my heart
Amnesty, amity, a bruise
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:23 pm
by imaginary friend
Hmmm... I like the band-aid last line – it's very Cate-ish, and works with the gentle wryness of the last stanza.
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 12:08 am
by Judy
I like the band aid one better, too. The other version doesn't sound like Cate at all
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 12:48 am
by lizzytysh
Of course, everyone has their own thoughts, feelings, and preferences when it comes to poetry; however, I prefer Cate's original treatment using the band-aid. I like the everyday realness of a band-aid juxtaposed with the mega assignment and metaphorical solution for a temporary solution toward healing the heart, and the double entendre of it all. [Did I say that right? I know what I'm going for, but in a huge rush

.]
~ Lizzy
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 4:49 am
by Cate
Thank you everyone for such great responses and the bandage support from Imaginary, Judy and Lizzy. xxx
Lizzy - I like your descriptions of different scars/marks.
Re: Sunday Times
Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:04 am
by Cate
mat james wrote:...on scrapings of the heart
Wishing to stem
the flow inside his blood-vessel
that liver’d the clot
in her brain;
ruptured by desire
a small colorless disc-
shaped particle spun
to coagulant
working together
her
protein and plasma
and play-platelet
did
what a band-aid
could never do.
Mat.
This is fantastic Mat!!!!
His vein running through her head is great, my favourite part of course is ‘play-platelet’.