my secret life, a few cents of humanity and a cigar
Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:53 pm
i just thought i'd tell you since i don't know any of you and there aren't too many people to chat to at the moment:
I just saw the 'my secret life' cohen video and it reminded me of a ukranian/canadian girl i know. When we met online some years ago we connected, it wasn't no 'teenage head-over-heels love', it was deep, deeply intellectual/spiritual, we never met in person. We understood so much about one another: subtle expressions, personal spiritual moments the other, dreams, our pasts, it wasn't your horoscope material, the advice we gave one another was life changing and beneficial. I understood why she liked certain moments in songs, why she liked certain types of moments walking down the park as opposed to others, we were in each others private moments in each others pasts and futures as if it were all one, like an eternal connection. I got into her head and she into mine, we never met, there were obstacles in the way that would prevent us getting married back then, and i was a coward for not trying harder to overcome those obstacles, absolutely disgusting. So we stopped contacting each other for four years, it would be too painful to do so, but in the back of our minds we knew we were for each other, actually that didn't matter just like it doesn't matter if your parents died, in that sense that they live on in you, you resemble them, so we resembled one another: as brother and sister, as parent and child, as a couple beyond love.
And now, just this month, almost four years later, as those obstacles were just about to be removed, she emailed me out the blue to say she got married around last week. I wish i could tell someone how that felt, but no one would understand. And since the last four years i had been living a secret life, and only when looking at some of the songs she liked by Leonard cohen on youtube did i find the 'secret life' video, and when only God was listening to my complaint and pains, i found Uncle Leonard, he got my back. We shared a cigar, a relationship formed in those 5 minutes of listening to that song where i could tell him something about what happened to me, his eyes understood, i told him how much of a coward i was, he understood. How i should find comfort in a man beloved to my beloved who i have lost, and in doing so gain something back of what left me. LC understood my secret life, just enough to pat me on the back...thank God
And now i register on this forum to merely share this with strangers, imagining that it would give me some comfort, it doesn't really, but i hope none of you miss those opportunities, be aware at every moment such that you don't let cowardice cloud you - miss not the opportunities, life is short, we will meet Him (God) soon enough, but let not his exquisite love in the form of that once in a lifetime person, let not that gift pass you by.
...a fellow human,
salam, shalom, namaste, .....
I just saw the 'my secret life' cohen video and it reminded me of a ukranian/canadian girl i know. When we met online some years ago we connected, it wasn't no 'teenage head-over-heels love', it was deep, deeply intellectual/spiritual, we never met in person. We understood so much about one another: subtle expressions, personal spiritual moments the other, dreams, our pasts, it wasn't your horoscope material, the advice we gave one another was life changing and beneficial. I understood why she liked certain moments in songs, why she liked certain types of moments walking down the park as opposed to others, we were in each others private moments in each others pasts and futures as if it were all one, like an eternal connection. I got into her head and she into mine, we never met, there were obstacles in the way that would prevent us getting married back then, and i was a coward for not trying harder to overcome those obstacles, absolutely disgusting. So we stopped contacting each other for four years, it would be too painful to do so, but in the back of our minds we knew we were for each other, actually that didn't matter just like it doesn't matter if your parents died, in that sense that they live on in you, you resemble them, so we resembled one another: as brother and sister, as parent and child, as a couple beyond love.
And now, just this month, almost four years later, as those obstacles were just about to be removed, she emailed me out the blue to say she got married around last week. I wish i could tell someone how that felt, but no one would understand. And since the last four years i had been living a secret life, and only when looking at some of the songs she liked by Leonard cohen on youtube did i find the 'secret life' video, and when only God was listening to my complaint and pains, i found Uncle Leonard, he got my back. We shared a cigar, a relationship formed in those 5 minutes of listening to that song where i could tell him something about what happened to me, his eyes understood, i told him how much of a coward i was, he understood. How i should find comfort in a man beloved to my beloved who i have lost, and in doing so gain something back of what left me. LC understood my secret life, just enough to pat me on the back...thank God
And now i register on this forum to merely share this with strangers, imagining that it would give me some comfort, it doesn't really, but i hope none of you miss those opportunities, be aware at every moment such that you don't let cowardice cloud you - miss not the opportunities, life is short, we will meet Him (God) soon enough, but let not his exquisite love in the form of that once in a lifetime person, let not that gift pass you by.
...a fellow human,
salam, shalom, namaste, .....
